“The new staff helped welcome some Skaven ... and Goblins to the shop. My, there's a travelling combination you don't see often. I hope they like casualties!

The new tree, Edward Woodward, saw fit to stand on the line, and what do you know if he had no idea how to take a hit and was instantly cut down. Rookie! That's not good for the average life of a tree. I'm not sure how much more funeral pie we can take at this rate! They ran one in the south immediately.

They tried south again, but we blocked well, Frozen Shoulder doing good work again, but they took out our extra cover and away up the north for a second. Without Edward our half-time show was a fizzer.

Their two-headed claw-monster got through to make things tight in the second, but we got Cracked Ribs clear, and he handed off to Creaky Knee to blitz away, and Paininthe Neck recovered after the blitz to score.

Their troll got a niggle out of Somany Bits on a both-down, so we ganged up to get a quick return, their apothecary saving the day. Of course, they scored again, this all-in blocking thing getting a few against us.

Our turn one last time, we built a wall around Foot Crushed, and when they closed in on it for the bash he ducked through and left them to it! Clever, might add that one to the play book. They stripped the ball once more, Ruckus the goblin quite skilled at it, but Foot simply picked up and ran in a score.

In honour of Edward Woodward, the complete rookie, we eat funeral pie until stuffed. His fellow first game rookie, Wrecked Back, leaves the team too. Next up, Ed Woodward, no relation, at least Leif will be there to guide him.”