“ROTTING HOT MESS WINS A SWEATY BATTLE OF ATTRITION OVER SLITHERPOOL 1-0

Slitherpool seems to have figured out their defensive woes, unfortunately their offense dried up on a sweltering hot day and they fell to Rotting Hot Mess 1-0. In the first half Rotting had the ball and made a few efforts to change fields and go up the far sideline with INSANE GOAT who received the kickoff but Slitherpool held firm and a key hit by TRIPLE ROUNDHOUSE on INSANE GOAT dislodged the ball and allowed the first half to end in a stalemate. Coach Crowley's controversial decision to put LUCKY on the field for defense, a role he has played since the game two of the cup, ended up with the him badly hurt by BIG PILE OF POISON.

In the second half Slitherpool couldn't open any lanes for DUMPY to run through and eventually the cage would crumble as DESPERATE REMEDY was clearly confused in his role in the cage allowing nurgles to penetrate all around him. Ultimately DUMPY was knocked to the ground and the ball scattered to HORNY GOAT who was able to quench his insatiable desire to score. Any chance of a Slitherpool equalizer was done in by the teams sudden breakout of dehydration and exhaustion as eight of the remaining 11 players couldn't, or wouldn't take the field. All in all a disappointing results for Slitherpool who seemed at time not committed to hit the less then hygienic Rotters. They couldn't win a sweaty messy battle of attrition against a team who specialize in sweaty, messy, and attrition. This result doesn't eliminate Slitherpool from the Lumburgh Cup final but their destiny is definitely out of their own hands.

OTHER NOTES:

This was the first time Slitherpool has failed to score in it's seven matches in the cup.

Rotting Hot Mess's advantage in Casualties of 3-0 proved to be the key difference between the sides in this match.

QUOTES:

ACE SMASHFACE "They are disgusting enough to try to block, but then add the fact it was 105 degrees and 100% humidity and basically you just want to puke."

BIG DUMB JERK "F%#@ing Gross!"

COACH CROWLEY "Putting LUCKY on the field for defense was a mistake and probably cost us a better chance to score. That was a bad decision and its on me."

LUCKY "LUCKY don't play defense"”