“The Brunswick Greens are sad to announce the passing of Rainbow Cheeks, who died of massive trauma. Fortunately for the club, it was during the first block in the first turn of the game, so he had not yet had time to cash his first pay cheque. We also regret to announce that Sunny Dale, who suffered a fractured skull in turn 2, died mysteriously of suffocation in the hospital before he could cash his pay cheque, and will therefore not be returning to the pitch. Our thoughts are with their families, and with the families of the journeyman linemen who will replace them in the next game against dwarves.”