“LOC coach Snot Grotly had convinced the boys that their first 10 games were warm up games, testing the bb water if you will, so there was a renewed sense of vigour in the ogres when the team's mournfang strolled into the Molerats' ground.

"Wot dese, muties? Deyll go smash same as evythin els," was the inspirational teamtalk delivered by Roland and the boys sauntered out onto the field, all moving in roughly the same direction. A great start, though coach Grotly.

However the start was anything but. Despite some fantastic early ogre positioning and general lack of stupid, the LOC found themselves 3 snots down by turn 3. "Ere we go agin" coach Grotly could be heard muttering to himself, supping liberally from an unidentified bottle.

But then a breakthrough, Fawkes the troll take a mighty blow from Erwin, staggers for a bit and then sinks to the grass, clutching his head. "I feel sumthin" he muttered and as the crowd rose to their feet at this sign of troll intelligence, the JM coach quickly ran onto the pitch and led Fawkes off. "You're not achieving sentience on my watch," he was heard to be muttering.

Clearly shocked by the loss of Fawkes, the Molerats run the ball in turn 4 leaving the ogres plenty of time to perform their patented move: the 12 turn grind (with a break in the middle for refreshments). But as typically happens, the chase towards the finish line is fine, it's the getting the ball over that proves the hardship. Expert goblin marking required a 4+ dodge (with no rr) to secure the TD and sadly it wasn't gonna happen for poor Niels who falls into the mud.

Second half and the boys are hungry for the win. However Roland's enthusiasm for blocking and piling on leaves a massive hole in the defence which Desmond is able to easily dodge through and knock down the ball carrier. The ball is cleared from the huddle and after 2 turns of the second half, the LOC are 2-0 down.

This time the cage down the pitch is a much more professional affair, at least for the first few turns. But then, as usual, it all goes wrong and the ball is knocked free, this time by Charon and the ball is greedily scooped up by the waiting rats who run it in for a 3-0 victory.

Bonehead failure count: 10/77 = 1/7.7
Ongoing failure count: 106/683 = 1/6.4”