“Richard Feynogre looked glum. Everywhere the LOC went he was overshadowed by Roland. The lady ogres would rush up to Roland post-game, begging him to engrave their cast iron corsets. Roland had been featured on the cover of Ogre Physicist Monthy for 7 of the last 8 months and his research was accepted into the Journal of Particle Physics & Smashing Stuff before it had even been completed.

There was no doubt about it, Roland was second fiddle in the LOC.

Richard knew he was better than the fans on the messageboards gave him credit for - he'd seen the graffiti they'd scawl on the walls of the clubhouse after every game. "Roland number 1, Richard number none" and "Richard Feynogre can't tell his quarks from his muons."

And so it was with renewed viguor that Richard stepped onto the pitch in a rematch against the Molerats. "I'll show them all," he thought to himself. "They'll find there's more to me than playing the bongos and going to strip clubs."

Wallop, pow, smash, crush, stomp, duh?

...

Coach Snot Grotly and Niels were found on the pitch after the game, scraping up the remains of another snotling to take to the meat pie shop. "What did you think of Richard's performance today?" asked Niels. Coach Grotly paused for a second, scratched his armpit and tilted his head to one side. "Iz did knot fink e waz on de pitch, ee waz knot on de ighlites pix da I gott from de match artiste." "Huh," said Niels.

Bonehead failure count: 8/50 = 1/6.3
Ongoing failure count: 150/1012 = 1/6.7”