“All the thumping and slightly ineffectual shuffling up and down the field one would expect from a collision between two low-TV bashing teams with no appreciable ball-handling skills. Your mind drifts off into a sort of zen state where you go into a routine of delivering as many favourable blocks and putting as many people between the opposition ball carrier and your own end zone as possible. Clearly worked out for both of us.

Still, respect due to my opponent for not going down the dreary old foul-a-mummy-every-turn route, not that they deserved consideration - nine games between them and not a single casualty inflicted yet. Useless shower. Hey, could've gone worse.

”