“The first game of the Season for both teams (Blue Mountain Dragons Conference LXVI) and the high TV Unicorns coached by Keothi joined the pitch to fight against buuface's Banner of the Black Stag.

Rock vs Scissor

The Unicorns were looking well rested after a quiet off-season sipping Bloodweisers by the hot bog springs in Nuffleheim and Coach Keothi was confident that the new season would be a good one for the Unicorns.

30,000 fans (both teams evenly supported) lined the bleachers to cheer on their favourite teams. Who would triumph? The clearly heavier weight team, or the underdogs who had a hefty purse to entice some STAR players onto the pitch for the match?

The swift, strong and terrible Wilhelm Chaney and the freakishly strong Icepelt Hammerblow both took to the field wearing the team colours with a Black Stag logo and grinned menacingly across the line of scrimmage at their Orcish foes.

Buuface had also signed up a bloodweiser babe promotion deal to keep his boys fresh and happy and a dark, shady deal behind the coach's dugout also saw a few match fixing deals take place (spiked ball and belt of invulnerability).

Coach buuface protected from harm the Mighty Raas with his belt of invulnerability and hoped that the big Snow Troll would wade bravely into the fray and cause Unicorn carnage.

The Stags won the toss and elected to receive the kick. The Unicorns lined up and surprised the opposition after kicking short and blitzing into the Stag's half, catching them unawares. Luke bravely (foolishly) sprinted towards the sideline and got under the ball, whilst his team mates tried to tie up a few of the front row and midfield Stags as best they could. On the Stag's turn, poor Luke after catching the ball was swamped and luckily was knocked off his feet next to the crowd before the frothing Loftbrook could frenzy him off the pitch!

The Unicorn fans were upset to see their star knocked down so early on and caught the bouncing ball and threw it to the capable Han Solo who hung onto the ball for dear life.

The first half was a tense, close fought event with neither side able to gain the upper hand. The ball was caught, spilled and recaught... And there was a roller-coaster of emotions when the Stag's Mighty Grumnir bravely blitzed the Unicorn's star player Luke SkyOrcer and killed him when he struck the ground badly from a savage tackle and spilled the ball...

A quiet hush fell on the stadium. The Unicorn's team medic rushed onto the field and checked the brave Jedi over, a faint pulse was detected and with a shot of adrenalin Luke staggered to his feet to the roar of adulation from the crowd fans and boos from the Stag's supporters. With the help of his team-mates, Luke made his way to the dugout to rest and see if he could recover enough to come on for the next drive. Towards the end of the half, the Unicorns had the partial hope of picking up the loose ball, handing it to a trusty line orc who was to race forward and throw the ball to Wookie II who had broken free and was waiting in the touch down zone. Sadly, the line orc Jedi was unable to hold onto a hand-off and the opportunity to lead 1-0 into the second half was lost. The half ended 0-0, The Unicorns had almost permanently lost their star player, used up their medical supplies and failed to land any lasting harm to the Stags. Both sides looked relatively strong coming into the second half with both teams holding more than a full bench to start the next drive.

At the beginning of the second half, coach buuface unveiled his dirty trick, a hefty bribe to the referee to look the other way when the ball was switched for a spiked ball (beware trying to pick up or catch this nasty looking puppy!). The Unicorns though got on with the match and had a lot of luck go their way. In swift succession Wilhelm Chaney was nursing a sore head from a hard hit, Icepelt had a fractured skull after unwisely trying to tackle a beefy Orc and came off second best, just moments after Grumnir had been sent to the KO bin after getting a kicking from R2's metallic boot. A little later on and Theoric sprained his groin from a savage hit from the Unicorn offense. The two big stars Wilhelm and Icepelt were off the field and had only made 5 blocks between them for the entire match. The local star Grumnir was also off the pitch and things were looking up for the Unicorns. Now the numbers strongly favoured the Unicorns and despite some excellent coaching by buuface and valiant players trying everything in their power to block the touchdown, the green tide proved too strong for the Stags and Luke SkyOrcer to the cheers of the fans, scored the winning touchdown.

With only moments on the clock, the Stags gave it everything they had and showed that they were not to be underestimated before the final whistle had blown! The mighty Ewok was smashed down by Leorfric on the last turn of the game, the hit was so savage it flared up an old injury (niggle), so with a pinched nerve, Ewok shall miss his chance next game to thump some squishy gobbo's and carve some new notches on his belt.

Both teams continue the Season with no permanent setbacks; the medical staff at "Butchers & Barbers - get a free haircut with every lobotomy" assure this reporter that both Ewok and Theoric will make full recoveries after a single match of rest.

So what did this reporter think of the match? The Unicorns had the luck on the day, some of the plays showed overconfidence and perhaps the off season wasn't as good for the coach Keothi as it was for the players, but the overall strength of the Unicorn team carried the day. However, the plucky Norse showed that they can stand toe-to-toe with the high value, rock teams (at least for half a match).
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