“Good evening Blood Bowl fans and welcome to a special Cabalvision broadcast on the Fumbbl Network. I am Rhys ‘Sidearm’ Gilroris and I am accompanied by Neesha Aludra a founding member of the Archers of Avelon. Tonight marks a landmark event as the Archers of Avelon will take the field for the first time in pursuit of the Fumbbl Cup…. Or any other cup for that matter. In this competition, there are no easy foes so it should come as no surprise that the opening draw put the Archers against a formidable squad of Chaos Dwarfs called the Crazy Romans who are coached by the equally insane Coach Rappe. Neesha tells us about those Chaos Dwarfs.

Thanks Rhys. This team will not fall easily. They are led by a pair of Super Star Bulls named Nero and Varus. Both can easily break a tackle and both are quicker than most centaur players. It will be a long night if the Archers do not figure out how to corral those two. However, they cannot pay too much attention to that duo and forget that the dwarf blockers are brutes. If they don’t keep their heads on a swivel they will find themselves in the mortuary. It is a tall order and this game will show if the Archers are ready to compete in the greatest competition in the Old World. May Nuffle have mercy on them tonight!

We can only hope he does Neesha. But that is none of our concern nor is it the concern of the Crazy Romans. Crazy Roman fans want elf blood and they are likely to get it. But they will have to watch themselves too. The Archers will take the field with a quadruplet of living legends.

Revwe Larereta is the top active Fumbbl High Elf scorer and no one can argue that she is currently the top High Elf Blitzer in the league. In fact, only the late Aegnor of the Phoenix Gate Guardians has more Career TDs, and only the late Arbane Lightshiver of the Phoenix Guard Griffins may be considered a greater all around star Blitzer. Revwe comes to the game with 58 Casualties inflicted, 42 TDs, and this will be her 95th career game.

The other original Archer to take the field is thrower Nienna Nenharma. This elf is piling up the High Elf thrower records. No high elf thrower in the history of the Fumbbl Confederation has scored more often, rushed for more yards, or caused more casualties. In fact only four other high elves in any position have ever rushed for more yards. She takes the field with 952 yards rushing, 18 casualties inflicted, and 20 TDs. With three individual Fumbbl Badges to her name, Nienna is a certified legend of the game.

You played with both of these elves Neesha. What can you tell us about them?

Yes Rhys, I am proud to say that both of these elves were my team mates. I have watched them develop into the legends that they are today. Both Revwe and Nienna bring ferocity to the field that other elves fail to match. Most viewers probably do not know that only three High Elf throwers have committed more fouls than Nienna. These two stars have passed this game time attitude to the rest of the team which has carried a couple of their teammates to greatness. Just look at the other two Archer Legends that will take the field today.

Kydeth is “the other blitzer” for the Archers of Avelon. She is the only blitzer in the history of Fumbbl to throw 50 passes or more, and only the late blitzer Aegnor rushed for more yards in his career. With 37 TDs to Kydeth’s name, Revwe is the only other blitzer playing the game with more TDs. The broken hip she suffered early in her career has made her a step slower, but she is still an integral part of this team.

The junior legend on the team is Throthradir Falavoul. He/She has become the fan favorite with more MVP nominations than any other High Elf catcher playing the game. She is already listed as one of the top five catchers to ever play.

In fact, a recent survey showed that all four of these elves are listed among the top 20 High Elves to ever step on the blood bowl pitch.

That is incredible Neesha. Viewers may ask how the Crazy Romans can hope to compete against a team with four players of that caliber. The problem is that these four cannot do everything and amongst the remainder of the Archers, only Meldalf Aedfaere can be considered much of a star. The best that the rest of the team can hope to do is get in the way of the charging dwarfs. As we all know, that is not usually a good idea and will likely to mean plenty of elf blood on the pitch.

We are moments away from kickoff and Coach Rappe has chosen to defer to the second half and kick the ball to the Archers. It is an interesting choice considering the fact that he could have chosen to punish elves on the line of scrimmage, gain a numerical advantage, and then slowly grind down the field for a late first half score. I would consider the choice an early advantage to the Archers.

The ball is in the air and in an early surprise move, Throthradir has moved to pick up the ball rather than Nienna. The Dwarfs are bringing pressure so she has moved to the protection on the North side of the field. The pressure is still coming strong, and she is forced to get the ball down field and into the hands of Kydeth. We are nearly midway through the half and Kydeth is surrounded but she is very elusive. With a leap over the bull Nero, she dodges into the endzone to put point on the board.

The score is nice, but this is not how the Archers drew it up in the pre-game planning. There is too much time on the clock. The ensuing kick-off lands near Varus who easily picks it up. He quickly moves it downfield. Amazingly, the elf armor has been sturdy and the nasty dwarfs have been unable to cause any damage.

Ahhh, listen to those fans boo! They recognize a mix-up in the Archer backfield. The positioning is not right. A short blitz by Gaius put Kydeth on the ground stunned and out of play. The Archers scramble to recover but no one is in position to stop Varus from scoring to equalize the match. That whistle takes us to halftime and the following announcement from our sponsors.

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A dozen halflings, orcs, dwarfs, and skaven appear on the Cabalvision broadcast arm in arm and a tune is heard playing…

“I’d like to teach the world to play blood bowl in harmony. I’d like to buy the world an Orca Cola and gang foul it with this company.”
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The broadcast goes blurry and then focuses back on Sidearm.

“What was that advertising troll excrement?” he is heard to say as he adjusts his cravat and gets ready for the second half of play.

Welcome back for the second half Archer Fans and I would like to personally apologize for that mind numbing commercial.

The Archers have kicked the ball towards the Chaos Dwarfs, but even before the ball is in the air, they have started moving. It is a Blitz! They have caught their opponents flat footed. Throthradir is under the ball, and both blitzers have leapt over the defensive line to screen him. He…She…whatever… has the ball and has been screened away from the most proficient opposing tacklers.

Still the bulls have him in their sights and manage to knock it free. Now Kydeth has picked it up and moved near the endzone. Again the bulls come for her and again she goes down. Varus picks it up dangerously close to his own touch line. Surrounded by dwarfs, Nienna pushes him near the crowd. If only Meldalf can just nudge him, the Archer fans will take care of the rest.

The bull is terrified. Meldalf is confident. Meldalf lunges forward and takes a devastating kick from the centaur’s front hoof. He goes down hard. Varus breaks free of Nienna’s feeble tackle attempt and runs safely down the sideline.

What a disaster for the Archers! They are in no position to prevent another score. They are scrambling to put up some sort of defense but it is hopeless. Revwe makes a heroic solo blitz on the stronger bull but… wait, the ball is free. She actually brought down the beast. Nero can’t pick up the ball but the dwarfs are moving back. If she can some how get the ball to safety this will go into overtime.

Revwe picks up the ball but has nowhere to run. She is pushing hard to get away from the dwarfs with the ball and trips over the uneven turf. With seconds to go, Varus picks up the ball and scores.

What a heartbreaking loss for the Archers. Defeat pushes out glory and the Romans celebrate at mid-field. They will move on and face the Nurgle squad Bloody Clawsome. For the Archers and their fans all they can do is watch the remainder of the cup and wonder what would have been if their defense had been better, if Revwe had not tripped, or if Meldalf had pushed that bull into the stands.

On that note, I this is Rhys ‘Sidearm” Gilroris and Neesha Aludra bidding you farewell until the next Archer of Avelon broadcast.
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