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Match Result · League division
Match recorded on 2018-03-14 22:26:20
High Elf CTV 1000k+100k
1
70k
10000
+1
0/0/0
Inducements: 1 bloodweiser keg, Card Beguiling Bracers
Player Performances
td
comp
cas
int
mvp
spp
turns
pass
rush
block
foul
TOTALS
1
-
3
-
1
14
165
1
34
72
4
Player Performances
td
comp
cas
int
mvp
spp
turns
pass
rush
block
foul
TOTALS
1
1
-
-
1
9
125
3
6
13
-
#5 Alanon – Dead (RIP)
“YOU DIRTY ROCS!
That's the headline. Foul after nasty little foul littered this very scrappy affair between the rookie Avengers and the not-very-good Rocs (which, by the way, is an anagram of Orcs - who knew?). The Rocs (anagram of orcs) attitude to this match, like the breath of every single member of their team, stank!!
The low crowd (the poor attendance at these midweek clashes is under review by the Renaissance cup organisers) had to witness dirty, scrappy, crass, rude behaviour - and that was just Doris who runs the hot dog stand.
From the surprisingly uneventful kick off, it was a scrappy affair. Early blows, and possession, were exchanged, and it was the High Elves who came off worst. Ballard was down (you couldn't write it, as he is actually named after Ballard Down!!) and badly hurt, and Old Harry was mercilessly pushed into the baying crowd. If it wasn't for a pathetic fumble by the very unaptly named Randall, the Avengers would have been in trouble.
At this point the ball was just inside the Rocs' (anagram of orcs) half. Alanon dragged himself up from the turf and moved diagonally towards a corner (to chuckles of derision from the Rusland sideline). Then, in arguably the best play of this tournament so far, Purbeck dodged out of a tackle zone, moved back into a tackle zone to pick up the ball, then under pressure, launched a 60 yard bomb to Alanon, who caught it - BOOM!! The Rocs (anagram of orcs) had no answer and in the next play, Alanon skipped out of a tackle zone and crossed the white line slap bang in the middle of the end zone. 1-0.
The rocked Rocs (anagram of orcs) looked lost, and ridiculous Randall fumbled again. The big hits continued though - Studland got closer to the fans than he had intended, and Alanon was fouled and knocked out. Disgusting.
The brave, brave Elves started the 2nd half with 9 men. But they were soon down to 8 when Allott blitzed TD scorer Alanon, who was just recovered from concussion. However, the concussion that Allot dealt out was the kind that you don't come round from - he killed him, dear reader.
The rough treatment continued. Durdle and Purbeck both ended up in the crowd, and Studland was badly hurt. And despite their incredible resolve and bravery, the elves just couldn't keep the Rocs (anagram of orcs) out. In the kind of poetic injustice that only Blood Bowl can deliver, it was Randall who evened the scores.
A pitch invasion upset the ref and he decided to shorten the game. And for the second week running, we saw another huge blunder from Dr. Crass himself, Coach Hepworthnot. He seemed very excited that Gooch had managed to blitz and pick up the loose ball on the Avengers' touchline (admittedly, the second best play of the game), only to then hear the shrill sound of the ref's final whistle. It was game over.
The score was 1-1, but we still had a winning team. The Avengers. Hard but fair. Brave. Talented. Battered, but ready to fight again.
Annie, in the musical of the same name, bangs on about it being a "hard knock life". Sweetheart, come and have a game of Blood Bowl, and THEN you can sing about a hard knock life!”
That's the headline. Foul after nasty little foul littered this very scrappy affair between the rookie Avengers and the not-very-good Rocs (which, by the way, is an anagram of Orcs - who knew?). The Rocs (anagram of orcs) attitude to this match, like the breath of every single member of their team, stank!!
The low crowd (the poor attendance at these midweek clashes is under review by the Renaissance cup organisers) had to witness dirty, scrappy, crass, rude behaviour - and that was just Doris who runs the hot dog stand.
From the surprisingly uneventful kick off, it was a scrappy affair. Early blows, and possession, were exchanged, and it was the High Elves who came off worst. Ballard was down (you couldn't write it, as he is actually named after Ballard Down!!) and badly hurt, and Old Harry was mercilessly pushed into the baying crowd. If it wasn't for a pathetic fumble by the very unaptly named Randall, the Avengers would have been in trouble.
At this point the ball was just inside the Rocs' (anagram of orcs) half. Alanon dragged himself up from the turf and moved diagonally towards a corner (to chuckles of derision from the Rusland sideline). Then, in arguably the best play of this tournament so far, Purbeck dodged out of a tackle zone, moved back into a tackle zone to pick up the ball, then under pressure, launched a 60 yard bomb to Alanon, who caught it - BOOM!! The Rocs (anagram of orcs) had no answer and in the next play, Alanon skipped out of a tackle zone and crossed the white line slap bang in the middle of the end zone. 1-0.
The rocked Rocs (anagram of orcs) looked lost, and ridiculous Randall fumbled again. The big hits continued though - Studland got closer to the fans than he had intended, and Alanon was fouled and knocked out. Disgusting.
The brave, brave Elves started the 2nd half with 9 men. But they were soon down to 8 when Allott blitzed TD scorer Alanon, who was just recovered from concussion. However, the concussion that Allot dealt out was the kind that you don't come round from - he killed him, dear reader.
The rough treatment continued. Durdle and Purbeck both ended up in the crowd, and Studland was badly hurt. And despite their incredible resolve and bravery, the elves just couldn't keep the Rocs (anagram of orcs) out. In the kind of poetic injustice that only Blood Bowl can deliver, it was Randall who evened the scores.
A pitch invasion upset the ref and he decided to shorten the game. And for the second week running, we saw another huge blunder from Dr. Crass himself, Coach Hepworthnot. He seemed very excited that Gooch had managed to blitz and pick up the loose ball on the Avengers' touchline (admittedly, the second best play of the game), only to then hear the shrill sound of the ref's final whistle. It was game over.
The score was 1-1, but we still had a winning team. The Avengers. Hard but fair. Brave. Talented. Battered, but ready to fight again.
Annie, in the musical of the same name, bangs on about it being a "hard knock life". Sweetheart, come and have a game of Blood Bowl, and THEN you can sing about a hard knock life!”
This tournament is mired in controversy and we haven't finished the first round of matches yet. Here was another game marred by a riot. However blame lies squarely at the feet of Creekmoor. Time and again he naively left his players on the touchline. Quite legitimately they were nudged into the crowd by Rocs players. The crowd got so used to having players sent into their midst that it was a matter of time before they kicked off.
The Rocs suffered as the ref bizarrely and suspiciously blew for full time just as the always outstanding Gooch was about to score the winning touchdown. That's the second time in the tournament that Hepworthnot has been denied a last minute comeback victory.
All the Rocs family were saddened to learn of the death of Agglestone Avengers (anagram of shite team) player Alanon. Unsurprisingly the league have commissioned an investigation into why a player who moments before had been knocked out by a perfectly legitimate block was sent back out moments later. The unfortunate Allott, unaware of this gross medical incompetence, threw a clean and innocent block and that was that for Alanon.
Reports later circulated that Creekmoor simply texted a sympathy message to the player's family, spelling his name wrong twice!
If you're new to Blood Bowl you may wonder why the Rocs threw 72 blocks to the Avengers 13. The good news is you only have to read as far as page 1 of Blood Bowl for Idiots. There you will see that if you're playing a bashy team like orcs you don't get in their face. When the naive Creekmoor wasn't leaving his players on the touchline he was sacrificing them to free blocks. Even the newest BB fan knows a team can only blitz once a turn.
This tournament has got off to an amazing start, can it live up to it?
”