“"They think it's all over - well, he is now!"
... all over the pitch, anyway. Atishoo Blundertug, having discovered a hitherto undemonstrated aptitude for throwing explosives around the pitch, got a bit nervous with some dwarfs standing next to him, and blew himself up. Just like his life, Blundertug had been nasty, brutish and short.

The less said about the Scoundrels' performance tonight, the better. With 23,000 fans in the Theatre of Breams, and coming off the back of a near-victory the previous week, the expectations were high for the plucky young Goblins. So a four-nil defeat to Da Lollipop Guild was a tough one to take.

There were a few highlights. The referee banned Blundertug for illegal use of pyrotechnics, but only did so after the plucky young bombardier was spread an inch-thick across most of the Scoundrels' end zone. Ladyshape Grumbleflick and Manshape Gutwart were clearly getting ready for their next match by spending most of this one lying on the pitch and refusing to get up. It's hoped that once well-rested, next week's match against a bunch of frogs and lizards goes a bit more the way it should.

Avo Smash Toast got beaten off the pitch, but still won MVP for the Scoundrels. Mostly because none of the others had any value. Well, that's not quite fair: Spindizee Tick Tock did manage to knock the odd dwarf over, but is one of the few goblins in history to get a groin strain when he dropped his ball on his head. At least Legneck Won't-Stop-Bouncing is back from his visit to the Rest Home For Wounded Pogo-Stickers, ready once more to join the fray.

Interviewed outside the Theatre of Breams, the Scoundrels' coach was stoic. Or taciturn. Or just incapable of speech.”