“18,000 fans packed out the Risky Biscuit Superdome for tonight's match. A home crowd of green skins, hard to distinguish against the more numerous green skins of the amphibious visitors team. With the Scoundrels' biggest fan, Spindizzee Tick-Tock off with a groin strain after dropping an enormous ball on his head, Bolgrot Ripper had been hired in to fill his place. Because nothing replaces a pint-sized wretch with an enormous ball and chain like an eight foot tall troll.

All the Scoundrels' extra training in the week since they were last pummelled clearly hadn't paid off, as the Hoppers got a quick snap after the kick off, and rushed swiftly to score a touchdown. Expecting this sort of shenanigans, hardly in the spirit of a game where Nuffle demands constant sacrifice, the Scoundrels had kept their heavy hitters, Avo SMash Toast and the rookie fireworks enthusiast, Fizz-Whizz Doodlebug, off the pitch until the second half. Although Ripper set a good example to Ladyshape in how to hit people really hard, Manshape Gutwart spent the first drive trying (and failing) to figure out how to throw Slippery Fishslice in the air. Although Quack Nostrum was hurt by the block of Acaphus Montanus II, and the ever-popular "Burning Sensation" was incomprehensibly sent off by the ref for trying to help up the Hopper's Xenopus Laevis from the ground, the first drive completed without any greivous injuries to the Scoundrels.

With the second drive, Ladyshape lost no time in knocking out Xenopus in retribution, while Ripper showed what he'd been paid for by sending Leptobrachium to the injured box. With the ball recovered by Legneck and passed forward to Ripper, the Scoundrels began a drive towards the opposition's end zone. While Ripper never had much of a chance of getting a touchdown on his own, a few short punch ups on the pitch ensued before the whistle blew for half time.

Sweltering weather didn't affect any of the players, well hydrated with some strange green liquid provided by the Scoundrels. The second half started with a lot of shoving and not much else. Legneck showed great ineptitude in trying to pick up the ball, but coming back from a battering last week, Avo Smash Toast started getting busy with his saw. The new guy, Fizz-Whizz Doodlebug, wasn't so productive, startled by an approaching Hopper and blowing himself up. Thankfully the little guy's armour protected him from his pyrotechnical mishap. With Legneck being constantly harried as he tried to move the ball forward, the ball went loose and, to his great surprise, Fizz-Whizz caught it and began to move forward.

Finally, Ladyshape showed what she's here for, and injured the Hoppers' number 1 player, Paedophyrne. Manshape figured out how to throw a teammate, and managed to fling Clumpy Fatbag straight into Xenopus Laevis, knocking him down again. With the left flank collapsing under further assault (and the plucky Doodlebug off to the injury box on his first game) it was up to Manshape to save the day by... flinging Fructose Overdose around the pitch? Seriously, after that troll spent the first half trying to understand what to do, it seemed like he was now getting carried away.

With the Hoppers tripping and slipping around, it appeared it was time for the Scoundrels to move forward and attempt to get at least a draw out of this. Somewhere along the line the Hoppers had pulled the ball away and were close to scoring, when a missed throw into the end zone sent the ball loose again. Keen to consolidate, Avo Smash Toast got a little too confident and stuck his fingers in his own blade, and while the rest of the Scoundrels were trying not to throw up in their mouths, the Hoppers went 2-0 up.

All that was left was for Ladyshape to hit somebody else in the face and then faint from the heat, and a subdued crowd left the boiling hot Superdome. The Scoundrels' inexorable march towards a scoreless draw seems to have been delayed by another week. All that remained was to award Legneck, the surefooted if not safe-handed pogo stick wizard of the team, MVP for his sterling work.
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