“A proper battering for the Nice Chaps With Lovely Smiles on their first game.

They won the coin toss and previous little else.

Honourable mentions: Resogiment The Repugnant Obliterator failed to obliterate anything. The most positive thing he could do was die and come back as a zombie.
Jahan Lenn'nn'on died in the closing minutes, while Gyeorg Harr'son is out with a groin strain for the next game. At least the remaining Fab Four blitzers are still around - Ring'oh Starr inexplicably winning the MVP for the team, while Pal Mah'Carteni's sterling work fouling the opposition went quite unnoticed.

By the final whistle, four players were upright. The rest were knocked out or badly hurt, the malingering little weaklings. More intensive training to follow.”