“This was a mauling of epic proportions and I have no idea where it came from. I was all set to play a fast and (hopefully) high-scoring game where I could rack up some passing stats and hopefully use my tacklers to keep the elven catchers in check.

Sadly, that's not exactly how it turned out. Right from the start I was injuring elves with astonishing ease, and though the first three were all BH, the lack of players was causing AGAM some difficulties in finding available targets for his thrower.

A failed 5+ catch allowed me to get in and collect the dropped ball and not wanting to prolong the agony, I ran in the score straight away.

Then I got a perfect D on the kick-off, allowing me to dominate the front line and force AGAM to resort to some 1-dice blocks, which I was better equipped to deal with. Also, AGAM's dice rolling was awful. He wasn't able to get anything going and it was easy enough for me to run in and blitz the ball free, and this then led to a second quick score for the humans.

Then the kick-off result was a blitz, during which I killed one of the elves. At this point, AGAM's dice finally stopped giving him skulls all the time and he was able to stop me scoring and even get the ball to one of his catchers up near midfield. I tried three times to block one of his blitzes out of the way of my thrower, but again, the dice were with AGAM for a change and all I could manage were push backs. I still went for the 2-dice blitz, but a pushback was all I could manage and the half ended with me 2-0 up and with 4 elves already dead or injured.

At the start of the second half, I killed a blitzer. AGAM used his app but rerolled it to another killed. At this point he conceded and I have to say I have every sympathy for him. It was a terrible game for him right from the start. Not only was he getting bad dice, but I was getting excellent dice at the same time and breaking his armour with almost every block. Carrying on would just have led to more injuries for him and more touchdowns for me.

Sorry, AGAM. Games like this are no fun for either coach. Honestly, I would much rather have had a game where I was making nice long passes and where we were both scoring quickly. All I can say is I hope your next game is a lot better for you.”