“BLOOD BOWL GRUDGE MATCH

Its Blood Bowl time again and this grudge match has us 'Fling on 'Fling, with the Plucky Placemats taking on the local village grocers, Hamfatters Shelfstackers.
Coins were tossed and Hamfatters Shelfstackers won and chose to receive the kickoff.
It started well for PP's Talbwise Longchalk, who smashed HS's Will Gobber for failing to order in his favourite salami. A couple more devastating hits by the Plucky Placemats and it was looking frightening for the Shelfstackers straight off the bat.
And then it all turned terrifyingly on its head. Suddenly there were broken Placemats all over the field. Fildo Oddfoots mother had been rude about the quality of turkey stuffing at the Deli. Jeremy Stuffturkey took his revenge on her precious son, leaving him with two less teeth and one black eye. Other scores were settled. The dugout had no less than four unconcious PP Players and the Shelfstackers were charging the ball down the line. Fritwick Grumble tripped over his own gut sprinting to intercept the ball carrier and broke his skinny little ankle. Then Bob Hamfatter knocked Ludregar Greenapple stone cold for daring to suggest that the bathroom facilities at the Deli were less than satisfactory. There were no six Placemats in the dugout in varying states of brokenness and the Shelfstackers were still waddling down the line. Suddenly, breaking out of the centre of the pitch, Samy Shakebelly charged down Pervy Neville, the toilet attendant, and smashed him in a huge tackle. The crowd went wild, but Samy tripped over his own belly ( something that seems a regular occurance on his team ) and faceplanted over the ball. Then something happened to silence the crowd. Stuart the Mediocre snatched up the ball and passed ! yes! Passed to Larry Gash who ran it in for the first TD for the Shelfstackers!
The teams lined up again. The HS's kicked off. Immediately the PP treeman smashed little Billy Bumpgunt and he was stretchered from the field. The Shelfstackers rushed Samy Shakebelly as he failed to overcome his belly and pick up the ball. PP's Greenapple, only just revived by unicorn coloured cupcakes, was knocked cold again. Shakebelly went to pick up the ball..... snaffled it up, went to pass... but Toby from the Offie had pulled out some rather magic gloves and interfered with the pass which Samy spilt just behind the LOS. Suddenly Toby from the Offie came up clean with the ball! The crowd roared! Suddenly, with a crash, Curlwick Longchalk tackled from the side and sent Toby into the ground. The ball bounced about and.... the ref called halftime.
The two teams lined up and the Shelfstackers kicked off. A couple of blocks were made, but the Placemats seemed to stand still waiting for the Shelfstackers to attack the ball. Then Barky destroyed Larry Gash, the young box opener, and Drubriadoc Thistlewood avenged himself on Toby from the Offie over the Bugmans Lager fiasco of two years previous, sending him to the dugout also.
Pintolager Jackson knocked out Lacin Clumpthistle before PP's Fildo Oddfoot sent Deli Owner Bob Hamfatter into the crowd, enabling Talbwise Longchalk to head downfield, starting the Placemats first real attack with ball in hand. Disaster struck for the Placemats when Treeman Woody knocked himself out during a big hit on his opposite number, and the Shelfstackers tried desperately to defend their end zone. Drumpf Nosewhistle pounded star player Samy Shakebelly into the turf and he was forced to retire for the game, before Kilkenny Pete tackled Longchalk so hard he lost the ball into the crowd. It was thrown around by the spectators for a bit before they lost interest and flung it onto the field, landing in the middle of the Shelfstackers half. Spurred into action the whole Placemat team waddled over to the ball, creating a crude screen to protect the ball carrier, Fildo Oddfoot. Battering the screening wall, Shelfstackers Guy from Aisle 9 penetrated the defense, but was bamboozled by a mean step from Oddfoot, who started his gimpy little run for the corner. There was assorted skirmishing with the defensive screen, but it was once again the Guy from Aisle 9 who kept pace with the ball carrier. Until Greenapple, having previously recovered from his second concussion of the game smashed him so badly his mother felt it in her womb. Cue Fildo Oddfoot with the equalising TOUCHDOWN! GAME ON!
The two teams lined up once more. Insults were thrown. Blood was flowing. Sweat was in places that noone would ever imagine sweat would get. And then not much else happened. The two 'Flings teams, exhausted from the efforts of two touchdowns decided to wrap the game up, call it a draw, and get home in time for afternoon tea. All in all it was a flavourless draw, with no kills and no winners, except BLOOD BOWL, which is always the winner on the day.


”