“Plucky Placemats vs Hamfatters Shelfstackers

Another Halfling Grudge match, and a heated one too. The Shelfstackers (HS) looking to defend their reputation against the Placemats (PP) and make it 1-1 in their continueing rivalry. The first half started with the HS kicking off, and that was when it turned UGLY. PP's Woody smashed Helmut the HS Treeman into the grass, stunning him, while Barky took out his opposition, sending him down. Drubridoc Thistlewood gouged out Toby from the Offie's eye, apparently over an offhand comment about Drubridocs preference for cheap lager. Toby was stretchered from the field. Fildo picked up the ball deep and began his long journey up the field. Bob Hamfatter threw himself into the defense and rallied his team behind him, but HS's Billy Bumpgut showed terrible blocking technique and was removed from the field.
HS Pintolager Jackson was blocked into the crowd as Fildo made it to the middle of his own half, and HS Treeman Helmut got up and took root. Samy Shakebelly is knocked out cold as Erminwine blitzes HS's Drumpf Whistlenose unconcious. Fildo makes it to halfway.
Helmut Barksplitter is put down again as PP's Clumpthistle is fouled in the most appalling manner and sent to the dugouts and Fildo makes it a quarter field away from the line. Bob Hamfatter breaks from the line and blitzes downfield to smash Fildo and they both go down, the ball lying precariously on the edge of the field. PP's Barky breaks Will Gobbers neck in hilarious fashion sending the little guy from the field. PP's Greenapple takes down The Guy from Aisle 9, badly hurting him and himself in the process. The ball is spilled into the crowd and winds up being thrown to halfway. HS's Arthur Gumswell smashes PP's Thistlewood in a blitz and sends him from the field. PP's Hempfire Nagwit snatches up the ball and lauches it upfield in a (comparitively) huge pass, which is dropped by Fildo and that ENDS THE HALF.PP kick off and the Treemen batter each other before Barky lauches Greenapple who lands on his feet and rushes the ball carrier. PP's Erminwise trips on his own gut and breaks his arm. Loser. Then Belfodoc Custard puts in a huge hit on HS's Pervy Neville, hurting himself but killing Pervy STONE COLD DEAD. The ladies in the fitting room at the store by the Deli could be heard sighing with relief around the stadium. And then it happened. The Shelfstackers scored. Driving downfield there was no stopping them. 1-0 to the SHELFSTACKERS. Kick off to the PP's and one fumble later, Bob Hamfatter mounted his Treeman and was flung down field, landing in a pathetic pile when he should have been attacking the ball carrier. Larry Gash broke through pressuring whichever tit-handed Halfling was trying to pickup the ball and then suddenly the Placemats were on the back foot, struggling to pick up the ball on their own line with a wall of blue confronting them. Desperately the Placemats tried everything they could think of, but nothing worked. The Shelfstackers had one last go at the line but it was over. SHELFSTACKERS WIN! SHELFSTACKERS WIN 1-0! This win is dedicated to the memory of PERVY NEVILLE, scourge of housewives and teenage girls.”