“A bad day for rookie throwers; while Flinga Favre got a completion and a touchdown, he also got smashed off the pitch by Timothy Daaalton, the violent blitzer with the lovely dark hair, and will be missing the first game of the season.

Meanwhile Felix Leiter made a very weak foul and got his jaw broken in return, also out for his next match. Maybe it's something in the snow?

Barry Bondsh, on the other hand, isn't coming back for any matches any time ever, but then there were those allegations of performance enhancing substances. Warpstone abuse is never tolerated by the league!

If only we could have counted a bit better, maybe we wouldn't have let Basildon get surfed into the crowd. Better luck next time for the Bonds...”