“UTEP took the field without much hope, but with lots of beer. It was literally coming out of their pores. They'd had rotten luck against elves lately, and did not expect a change of luck in this game. Fortunately the free beer at the tailgate had worked, because UTEP fans came out... matching Alabama Silver Tide one for one, so when the empty beer growlers started coming from the stands, both Luke 'Ice Man' North and Udri Chronos were knocked over.

So when Julio Jones leapt over the line to snatch up a loose ball, Dan Cohen was heard muttering, 'Here we go again'. Julio, however tripped over a cleat which caught in the turf as he attempted to retreat. UTEP's response was to send Amari Cooper off the field, in fear he would make a dash for the ball, and consolidated possession of the ball. The elves quickly regrouped and prepared for a slow grind down the field, picking off the edges of the Nurgle offensive formation. Ale Kaho, Udri Chronos, and Jonah Williams all went for a rest in the elf dugout before the famous Eldril Sidewinder was taken out of the game with broken ribs. In the end, Andrew "Twinkle Toes" Hosford strolled into the endzone at the end of the half, amazed that he did not have to resort to the attempted heroics which have marked so many of UTEPs games of late.

As the second half started, the elves put on a beautiful display of choreographed Blood Bowl, Taulia Tagovailoa gently lofting the ball to a recovered Julio Jones who barely noticed the alcohol fumes wafting from the UTEP side of the field. Levi Carlson did not like that sort of play at all, and sent Dylan Moses off the field on a stretcher. And at that point, things started going terribly, terribly wrong for Alabama. It started with Dont'a Hightower, who smashed into the former Saurus Blocker, Reiko Satsuma... stunning Reiko, but completely knocking out Dont'a. Alabama lost their momentum, and Texas jumped on them hard. In the next few moments, Dan Cohen sent D.J. Fluker off the field on a stretcher, Levi Carlson knocked out Julio Jones sending the ball free. The whole Alabama offense was pressed against the sideline as Ethan Smythe cut off their escape back to their own territory. In an amazing display of control, Ale Kaho dashed away from the Texas defense to grab the ball and fling it back to the Alabama quarterback. Alcohol fumes so thick, Ale's eyes were watering, he managed to the toss. (It was an amazing feat, considering it required a 7+ to succeed! I believe anything but a perfect throw would have been a fumble.)

The rest of the half consisted of UTEP playing 'Whack-n-Elf' with any standing Alabama player on the Texas end of the field. Rolando McClain was the next off the field with a serious concussion, followed by Amari Cooper with a broken jaw. In the end, only Taulia Tagovailoa was left standing for the Silver Tide, far to close to his own endzone to have any hope of scoring.

We thank Alabama for the game, and of course offer a wide selection of beverages and recreational substances, not all of which cause flesh rot, to the fun elves when they recover their health.”