“A real up and down ride. Got a prayer to Nuffle, Laurie Driver got block.

Got a blitz on the kick off table. Laurie ran in, double skulled, armour broke, badly hurt. So much for the prayer.

Then two more double skulls in the first three turns to gobble my rerolls, and I was looking at things in dismay.

Thankfully, got the ball into a scrum near the line of scrimmage and it didn't get away from there. Once we started hurting linemen the dice started to tip towards us, and in the second half we got the ball to safety and then worked on clearing the pitch, fearful of a late equaliser if we showed any mercy.

The troll injured somebody's neck by puking on them, and we even got a bit of elfball in when Vinny Jones threw a completion.

Thanks for the match - may you have better luck against your next opponent!”