“The Asylum benched their star player, Morgue N Throgson, this match, for a trip to Los Angeles, and instead bought a big bag of bribes for the ref. They needed them, with Overdose in constant trouble, sent off after 5 fouls, two bribes and a lot of arguing. His big boot had claimed Anck-su-namun, the player the team had highlighted as the scariest skeleton there.

A combination of lucky early play and the fabled treble-skull by the Ramesses got the ball away early and Legneck bounded to a touchdown, the second of his new career with the Asylum, but with most of the goblins too scared to come back to the field for the second half, a depleted six-man army faced the dusty tomb kings. (Word is that everyone saw how badly the apothecary patched up Toastyflake, and declined to have anything to do with the match.)

Legneck got the ball again and ran for it, locking in a second TD before anyone could kick his head in, and then with Doreen waking up and looking for trouble, the remainder of the game was the carnage the Asylum loves. As the old saying goes, if you wrestle with a pig ... you've got some kinky ideas about how to spend a Friday night.”