“Good evening Blood Bowl fans and welcome once again to the Mordheim Colosseum where the Mordheim Legion is prepared to do battle with their arch rivals the Aarnau Manticores. My name is Merlin Oldsoul and I will be announcing the game. Somehow joining me in the booth tonight is my cohost “Super” Alley McCoist. McCoist, we have not seen you since these two teams clashed in Aarnau several weeks ago. Word is there is a bounty on your head, and you dare show up tonight. Ballsy! I have to tip my cap to you. Who is that standing by the door?

*Cough*Well, I do have a contract to fulfill so I am here. Also, I managed to fall into the hands of Coach Hovring a couple weeks ago. It seems he blames me for the discomfort these two overrated teams felt at the last match. It seems the equipment manager blamed me for the itching powder in the jocks of the players. The coaches probably would not have cared except that the substance found its way into the shorts of the coaches too. That was a miscalculation. Part of my penance is to return to this booth. The other part will be paid off over a very, very long period of time. *Cough*

That makes more sense now McCoist. Well, as usual the home team won the coin toss and Legion will receive the opening kick off. O’Daniel starts the game with a block that sends a rookie lineman to the bench. A quick foul by Knuckles has no effect. Smith returns the favor and McFamous is out. He looks badly hurt and that does not bode well for the Legion. Wait, I just noticed something. Bullet is not on the field. I don’t understand this play.

Artair sees there is nowhere to go with the ball so he just backed up. Knuckles sends Olix to the bench with a quality foul. There is a great pass to O’Daniel on the Southern sideline. He will run to the goal line. Another good foul by Knuckles puts Bryant on the bench. Two Gun turner is knocked out by the Manticores and Clayton Green comes out of nowhere to put good pressure on O’Daniel. It is a risky play but O’Daniel fires a solo blitz on Green. Green is down and O’Daniel will step into the endzone. Well look at that. The blitz badly hurt Green and O’Daniel gets the touchdown. That is high caliber play right there.

*Cough* Horse droppings. At least McFamous and Green are out of the match. Those two petunias can go have their nails done or something. Neither wants to come back into this match. *Cough*

Mordheim will now give the ball to Aarnau. There is something you don’t see often. Legion is fielding a pair of dirty players. The kick is short and the Mordheim crowd is chanting at Bortles. DROP…THAT…BALL!!! McCoist is that you chanting too?”

*Cough*Drop…*Cough*That…*Cough*BALL!*Cough*

Razor takes a hit from Johnson and is badly hurt. Bortles picks up the ball cleanly.

*Cough* Horse droppings. BOOOO! *Cough*

Johnson, as a reward for hurting Razor, takes a knuckle-duster to the chin sending him to the sideline. Ben Gedeon heads down the Southern sideline and Bortles steps back behind his offensive line. Gedeon is clearly bait for a would be blitzer and perhaps knuckles. Gedeon has experience and he refused to go down. Bortles goes back north with the rest of the Manticores leaving Gedeon to fend for himself. There are a couple legion defenders to the north and the manticores fail to bring either of them down. Bortles hands the ball to Isaiah Johnson who will score. The game is tied at halftime.

*Cough* Well look at that. We will have a halftime show. It is the cheerleaders versus the assistant coaches for both teams. First one to score does not have to sign autographs. For giggles, the ball has been greased. The ball is kicked around, and no one can pick it up. It is close to the sideline. One of the assistants have it. Wait, what is that. Rookie error by that coach. He forgot about the superfan Glurch the chaos spawn. Glurch picks him and the ball up with a ten-foot-long tentacle and carries him to the concession stand. It seems the coaches have won, and the cheerleaders will be signing autographs after the match. *Cough*

The second half begins with Legion kicking to the Manticores. The kick hugs the Northern sideline. Too bad Glurch is out to lunch he may have picked up Bortles instead of that assistant. Washington wrestles down O’Daniel but that makes him an easy target for Knuckles. What a boot. That will give Washington a niggle to remember the match and we should not see him again tonight. Bortles brings the ball back to the center of the field. Another foul puts Roquon Smith on the bench and Two Gun knocks McCollum out of the game. Now the armor is popping.

*Cough* It is about Nurgle lovin’ time! *Cough*

Bortles finds himself in a tight spot, so he runs back North. Here comes O’Daniel to smash the catcher Alexander. Alex took a vicious hit, and he will be on the sideline too. Can Bortles make miracles alone? Knuckles fouls the Ogre Haskins sending him out of the game too. Bortles makes a heroic blitz and sprint down the sideline.

Down Goes Bortles. Even the Legion thrower Kizer gets into the action by injuring the Manticore thrower. O’Daniel has the ball. He will move it down the field. But the real action is around Bortles. He is trying desperately to protect his head. He is a vet. He knows what is coming. Look at Knuckles showboat. He is dancing as he moves in for the kill. It is his patented double footed, leaping stomp with a half twist. Bortles is out and niggled but unfortunately, he will live! The ref is having a talk with Knuckles. Knuckles does not even protest the red card. He jogs off to the locker-room under a standing ovation from the crowd in the Colosseum. What a play! What a player!

*Cough* I’ve got to hand it to that little pretentious hack. That foul was a thing of beauty. The ref even tipped his hat to the bloke after showing the red card. The only way it could have been better is if he had killed the miserable no good mother…*Cough*

Only a trio of Manticores remain on the field and they are hopelessly surrounded. Still, they fight on. The fools! Bryant makes some improbable dodges through traffic to wrestle down O’Daniel. But why? They cannot stop Legion from scoring. Wait. There is almost no time left on the clock. Somebody do something! Pick up the ball for Nuffle’s sake! Olix tries to dodge to the ball but is tripped by Munoz.

*Cough* I recognize that twitch Oldsack. I do believe he is D.E.A.D… DEAD! Finally something that really matters. *Cough*

Mr. Irrelevant picks up the ball and everyone surrounds Bryant. They won’t stop Darius “Mr. Irrelevant” Slayton. He walks in for the score. Legion Wins! Legion Wins! After 23 regular season games, the Manticores finally go home LOSERS! Further, they go home heavily wounded. Look out DLE, here comes the Legion of Mordheim.

With that glorious outcome, this is Merlin Oldsoul and “Super” Alley McCoist signing off from Mordheim. Please join us again in this stadium next week when this same Legion will face the Avalance of Irrana.


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