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BRUTAL SKIRMISH IN BEL ALIAD

The Unicorns earned only their second win this season and it was all down to their blocking.

The first drives were cautious with both teams feeling each other out. Then, the game turned on its heel. The Griffins had the ball but Arthur Dent badly hurt the dangerous Dreng Bronson before Barry Gryson won the battle of the ogres, putting Vita Vea back in the dugout. Max Steele hit back against Thomas Leboucher but the home Apothecary was called on to patch the Bretonnian up and send him back out. Lamar Jackson wove along the left-hand touchline and dashed over the line as the home defense closed in on his teammates.

Gryson knocked out Tibor Papp at the restart and Logan Woodside, collecting the kick, muffed his pass to Richard Lane. The loose ball was just out of reach for the Griffins but they took the opportunity caused by the breakdown to get a cheeky foul in on Dent, who was knocked out by Dimitri Delibes. In retribution, Leboucher injured Lindy Ruff and Rafa Brigante knocked out Rick Nash. With the ball scooped up by Ottmar Wirt, he handed it to Bruno Giza who blitzed Chris Kirk, ruling him out for the rest of the game, and powered across the line to equalise.

The Griffins gave as good as they got but the Unicorns armour had been blessed in a pre-match ritual. Coach Wilson's earlier blasphemies towards Nuffle had not helped the team so, instead, he attempted the sacrifice of a goat at a temple close to the Ahmad Ibn Rustah Arena, with the assistance of the local Brotherhood of Khorne.

The prayers paid off as one after another, the Bel Aliad players fell to the fists, elbows, knees, boots, and foreheads of the hosts. Leboucher punched Nash into unconsciousness. Zach Blaide clothes-lined Jack Conklin. Carlos Tarrosa knee'd Falk off the pitch. Gryson front-kicked Steele with a pithy "'Ere's a bed-time story!"

Acceding to their fate, the Griffins wisely decided to gather on the Unicorns' right-hand wing, letting the home team take their time with the ball and, despite the rucks and scrums going on elsewhere, leisurely score through new crowd-favourite Lane.

Juan Thornhill received his marching orders for a clumsy foul on Nash who, despite the blocks and fouls he faced, could still walk off of the pitch. In the final throes of the game, the Griffins sought vengeance where they could find it. Papp injured Isaiah Blaide, who will have to miss next week's season finale against the Kislev Cardinals, and Adeniyi suffered a foul from Falk, which brought the curtain down on a lop-sided match.

When quizzed about the match, Coach Wilson retorted "We've had no luck, rough luck, tough luck, and hard luck so it's about time we got some good luck. My boys went out there and played their game. They deserve this and so do the fans!" At that, the Ültras in the south stand roared with glee and Wilson waved his blood-stained palms in appreciation. Coach Grrrreindeer was approached for comment but the boom microphone was swiftly snapped over a knee and he strode off down the dressing room tunnel.”