“LIES all lies.

The luck was in NO WAY 62% to myself and 64% to my fellow coach.

Like many coaches have experienced, the luck was undoubtedly 1% for me, and 99% for my opposition.

I am reporting on my first ever match, purely because it was the worst match i have ever played, and i dont think it was my fault (roflmao)..honest!!

From the start the Hawks seemed to be struggling. Their SP thrower out to a niggling injury, whereas all of the oppositions 5 (i think) nigglers made it to the match. Unfortunately his Treeman got stuck on the motoway on the way to the match...he found a cute young sapling...

The game begins...immediately The springleaf seniors show off their immaculate skills...which i will summarise at the end of the report if you care not to read the full report...their SP blitzers doing a wonderful job along with their amazing thrower. Some amazing plays and unbleivable luck (and unluck on my part) led to 2 TD's before the first half whistle..one of notable mention was the second TD, where the Hawks were heading to the endzone, only to have the Blitzer roll a 1 on a GFI. After the turnover, the ball was left vulnerable to pickup, and again, some amazing rolls, allowed to Seniors to take control, dodging left and right, and finishing off the 1 turn play with a long bomb to the end zone where a SP blitzer gratefully recieved the ball.

The second half..unbeievably, was a lot worse...

The Hawks failed to make any form of a good block...i think they had too much makeup on and the sun was melting their mascara...failing to make any headway on the LOS, or anywhere else for that matter. The situation was made even worse by the fact that the remaing thrower of the hawks decided to take a nap at the start of the second half, after being punched quite hard by a Senior...he decided to rub his nose and sit it out...till turn 8, where he decided to turn up, and throw 1 CP for a SPP...well done...well worth your match fee then.

The second half was again filled with even more amazing plays by the seniors, and more amazing dice rolls. Suffice top say, 100% of the dice went their way, with the worst rolls being a skull/pow...but only when the attacker has the block skill and the defender (conveniently ) didnt.

The pinnacle of the second half, and i think my opponent will agree, was when the already despondent Hawks coach demanded that the lineman who had the ball try and connect a pass to the catcher screaming blue murder in the end zone..the pass was chosen...unfortunately, 3 squares away was a pass blocking lineman...he moves next to the lineman..the hawks lineman looks worried....and decided to instead of try throwing..just to give the oppposition the ball..an amazing roll of 5 (5 or 6 was needed) allowed the pass blocker to take control...quickly followed by another TD. To top it off, altough the Coach knew it was a bad idea at the time, the apothecary was used for a niggling (foolsihly) half way through the second half, and after the apothecary had just left the stadium, the Seniors Blitzers caused a death..unfortunatley the Apothecary had his fecking mobile off, so we couldn't get him back in time.

SO in summary...what can we say.

Well, the hawks sucked ass....alot. In what is definetly the WORST game they have ever played, they had no dice rolls go their way, they failed to break armor, even with 2 mighy blow elves on the team, and they failed to make any decent passes or running plays..AT ALL..and these are ALL str 3 agi 4 players may i remind you.

On the other side, the Seniors made almost ALL their rolls, most of their blocks hitting with POWS, especially the crucial ones. Their dodges were spot on, their long bomb throws (of which there were several) were always hitting the target, many with 6's (well, at least 1 !! :P ) and consistenly broke the Hawks armor.

The only saving grace was that the hawks managed to keep the Treeman down on the ground for the majority of the match...hardly an accolade or any consolation for the crappest game they ever played.

This takes nothing away from the oppositon coach however, who kept his cool, and just played very well.

Good tactics and great dice = Overwhelming Victory

Which is was.

Sometimes its just not your day.....Blood Bowl is a funny old game...but have no fears, the Hawks will bounce back...if only because i will kick the living shite out of them so they wont be able to sit down for the next week!!!

The Hawks didnt deserve to lose this badly, but they did. Lose perhaps....but not this badly..there are some things 2 rerolls cannot remedy....and this game was such a time...sigh..truly appaling.


i think i'll go have a cup of tea.... and have some sex...


till the next game...


Coach Shabs..over and out...

*fading into the background the coach can just be heard.....


" Aradiel...you wanker...stop celebrating...you do know they HAVE to give out a MVP award..it doesnt mean you did anything!!!"





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