“"Another game, another draw for the Bogenhafen Shadows. They've played five games since their inception, and they've yet to win. Bob, how does that affect their psyche?"

"Dan, this was a great game for the Shadows, and I'll tell you why. You may not know this, but the Shadows coach is a human!"

"Really!"

"Yeah, and you'll notice that over their first four games, they played like a human team. They got in there and mucked things up, and guess what? They got their asses handed to them. However, in this game against the Orc team Flocken, a team that has NEVER LOST until today, you see the Shadows playing like Elves, and it made all the difference."

"Let's go over the highlights of this game. Roll the graphics."

*flashy graphics with explosions and stuff*

"Here's the first drive, and you see the Shadows new tactics. They're not worried about blocking! They'll get one or two favorable blocks at the line and count on their innate agility to get them past defenders."

"Yep. Meanwhile, Montanga's hanging back in the pocket, using those Elf eyes to home in on someone who's open."

"Eventually you have four Shadows within striking distance of the endzone and there's no Flocken players there."

"Dan, this is a family program..."

"Flocken. Flocken."

"Oh. Continue."

"Montagna heaves a perfect spiral to Drang, Falmon breaks from his defender to help Sturm block Tup Aper, and Drang dances into the endzone. 1-0, Shadows."

*flashy graphics*

"Here's the second drive. Himp Flonger has the ball, he's got FIVE teammates nearby and nothing but downed elves nearby, he turns on the juice and TRIPS up!"

"That's bad luck, Dan."

"No kidding. Drang sees the situation and breaks away for a long bomb. Elwei has no trouble picking up the ball, but fumbles the throw!"

"A comedy of errors!"

"It gets worse, Bob. Opan Gant gets in the endzone, Loney Ynsei picks up the ball, tries to hand it off to Gant... and fumbles it!"

"Embarrassing, especially with only a few seconds left on the clock!"

"Thbas breaks away to at least harass the orcs in the endzone, but his clock is cleaned by Zoodiac Spear, who picks up the ball and scores."

"What a play. A guy in the infirmary and a touchdown, you can't complain with that."

*flashy graphics*

"Now to the beginning of the second half, and the Shadows are screwed! They've got FIVE unconscious players on the bench and one knocked out of the game. Seven fragile elves against eleven bloodthirsty orcs."

"Seven fragile elves and Nuffle, Bob."

"Correct-uh-mundo, Dan. The Shadows execute a blitz right away. Ael'las shows he isn't scared of any orc, and slams into Zoodiac Spear, knocking him unconcious!"

"That was payback for that last touchdown in the first half, no doubt about it."

"And the kickoff is SHORT, way short! It hits the orc line of scrimmage and bounces into Shadow territory! Ael'las breaks away from the pack, Elwei heaves it, and Ael'las is right underneath it."

"A beautiful catch, Bob. Himp Flonger is the only person who can make a play, but all he can do is push Ael'las a yard or so. Sturm knocks Flonger away, and the Shadows get a WAY undermanned touchdown."

*flashy graphics*

"'Phase' El'owyn returns from the infirmary for the second drive of the second half. It's obvious the Shadows planned for the kick to land on the near side of the pitch. The coach orders them to stack on that side... and the kick lands on the far side!"

"Nuffle giveth, Nuffle taketh away, Dan."

"Yep. Flocken forms an imperfect cage, and the ball changes hands a few times, but eventually Flonger's able to make an easy touchdown pass to Zoodiac Spear, who had a fantastic game today."

"The most important part of that drive, Dan, besides the Flocken score, was the time off the clock. The Shadows had a two-round TD to start the second half, they've got four left."

"But it wasn't meant to be. Flocken stacked their players in vertical lines at the next kickoff to maximize tackling opportunities, but it gives the Shadows rare scrimmage line superiority. However, Falmon is tackled by Lantz Borik early on, and whatever advantage they had is lost. Aaluil is able to break away and catch a pass from Elwei, but he's leveled by Borik and the ball lands right into Flonger's hands."

"He must have made some extra prayers to Nuffle, that's for sure."

"Drang escapes from Tarik Bollnock to lay a hit on Flonger, but Flonger's got help... BOOM. Drang had a chance, but he's stunned. Elves shouldn't take on three orcs at once."

"No kidding."

"Still, it's late in the game. Flonger's got a man open deep in Shadow territory, but it's an incompletion. The Shadow stay down, and the buzzer sounds. Shadows 2, Flocken 2."

"A great game, Dan. The Shadows were the only ones to try a foul, to no effect. The fans even got both refs late in the game, but these teams seemed more interested in scoring than decimating each other."

"And a good time was stil had. On behalf of Bob and myself, thank you for watching from Flocken Field. We now return to our regular Cabalvision programming."”