“"Hey Kids! Its Ima Tard, your Shortbus Riders beat reporter. I'll be travelling with the team all season long and bringing you up to date reports on all your Shortbus News!"<br>

"Well the team had its first game of the season against those loveable furry critters from down under, Intestinal Mold. The sharp money in this game was put on the Skaven team. Apparently the Lost Vegas bookies are impressed by passing, catching, skill, dexterity, intelligence, and speed. Well the Shortbus Riders showed that all those things are overrated!" <br>

"Let's go down to the locker room and talk to tonight's MVP, Cretin the Ogre!" *noises of shuffling and strength 5 wet towel slaps* "Hey Cretin! You squashed a rat and got the MVP award, how do you feel?"
*uncomfortable silence* "Hmm.. If you fans were here you could see that Cretin is overcome with emotion due to his exploits! Anything else to add Cretin?"
*longer silence, then a low rumbly voice* "I wike make squish"<br>

"He sure does! Truly a bloodbowl pro and a real upstanding member of the community. Hey! There's Tourettes, lets go talk to him! He scored the game winning touchdown tonight! Tourettes, break down that scoring drive for your fans back home." *audible twitching and squawking* "I pick up da ball *beep* and *beep* I ran *beep* *beep* *beep* away from the *long long beep* -ucking skaven!"<br>

"Ha! Tourettes, he's always got something colourful to say! Well thats it for now folks. After next game we'll be sure to chat with Autism, he's a big muscle head with a heart of gold. Everyday he takes an orphan for lunch! Er what? 2 orphans? Oh sorry folks, make that he *has* two orphans for lunch everyday!"<br>

"My producer is signalling that my time is up. So until next time kids, remember to say your prayers and buy Shortbus Brand Lightbulbs, they may not be the brightest, but they sure are the best!"”