“<i><b>Internal Report</b>: Spike! Radio has been looking for new match reporters. We chose to give some of the candidates a test run letting them do on pitch commentary. We asigned them to follow around the low-skill Happy Tree Friends. For your consideration, here are some of the transcripts.</i>

<b>Name:</b> Perogrin Jopao
<b>Race:</b> Halfling

"Hi, and welcome on this wonderful bright day, my name is Perogrin Jopao, reporting for Spike! Radio. I've stocked up on sandwiches, beer, some sweets, a few potato chips and some very sweet smelling apple cake from the quite formidable choice of food offered in the Equotorial Liberation Front's stadium. I suggest you do the same back there in your home while we wait for this game to beginn. As my father's brother's son's uncle's father used to say: "Ain't a good game without a full belly." Haha.
I am now on my way to my reserved seat as far away from the Line of Scrimage as possible, to bravely report on two teams of shady night creatures clashing into each other. Local authorities have informed me thought that the stadium is quite safe and that none of those dangerous creatures hardly ever leave the pitch. And right now I see the Dark Elves marching on the pitch a team filled with, according to the information I just got from my friendly neighbour here, especially fierce and fearsome elvish leaders - while the rotting ... OH MY GOD ARE THEY UGLY! ... well ... the undead are stumbling onto the pitch - or crawling ... and now we are set both teams are taking positions and the game is about to begin. <excited shouts and various other sounds of anticipation in the background>

The undead are receiving and are starting to surround the ball as I am unwrapping one of my cheese-ham-sallad-with-extra-paprika and onion sandwiches and seem to attempt to form a cage - <booooing in the background> the ghoul just failed picking up the ball and somebody threw that ball back far to the other side of the pitch, almost in touchdown range for the Dark Elves! And there they go rushing in past the few front defenses of the undead team swarming in towards the ball - there a zombie knocked down - but now it seems like the undead team is starting to react, yes they are some wights running in towards the ball, this will be a close race to who can grab the ball first I think <rumors, then booing as well as cheering in the background> ... oh my, oh my ... some elf just has been knocked down ... blood floowing - he ain't moving - I can see the apo run in from here ... and ... and that zombie seems to dance I think, but apparently it wasn't allt hat bad, the player is still on the pitch, the apo running back towards the sideline and I need a small sip of beer now. <gulp *2>.
As I said earlier both teams are reaching the ball at the same time, but the elfes are a bit faster, one of them just picked it up right in front of two nimble undeads and is running towards the endzone <enthusiastic cheers>, but there are two players running in, the elf <booing in the background> is knocked over and a wight caught the ball - there are three players protecting it now - what a chance the elves wasted there! I just noticed my shoelace is open, I will tie it and be right back for the rest of the match. <something stumps against the microphone several time and there is some sort of confusion going on, the crowd cheers several times cheers, after about 5 minutes Peorgrin continues>
Hi and hello, sorry for this the game has progressed a bit and there is a huge pulk of players near the undeads endzone but I can't see all that much from up here especially as there is a lot of dust ... <some whispering goes on> ... my neighbour just informed me that two of the undead and one of the elfen players had to be carried from the pitch after some injuries, but we are still in the first half and none of the two teams has managed to score yet they just seem to be hitting each other all the time. ... I really can't see much ... but then I do seem to be fairly save here .... they are careing another elf from the pitch right now, and I think the half is almost over, without us having seen a touchdown yet ... and there it is the referess whistled and the first half is over ... I am off to the bathroom and getting some refreshments, I will be back in time for the second half.

<background noise, a clearly out of breath Perogrin continues>

" Now ........ I almost ...... missed the second ..... half - there was ..... one large amount .... of people waiting in front of the bathroom facilities ...... seems like the second half is underway already, and there are four, no five elves in the undead's backfield - but the undead surround them - now - now - one of the elves escaped and knockover a wight standing close to the endzone <crowd begins to get a bit excited> ... there is an elf running in with the ball, he passes, what a pass - that was a long bomb if not even longer I am sure - he caught it he caught it <excitement boils over, cheers> TOUCHDOWN, TOOOOOUCHDOWN. There it is the 1-0 after only a couple minutes into the second half the undead are down 0-1. <several gulping/chewing sounds>.

Both teams are back at the line of scrimmage now, facing each other - <cheers> and the dark elves just start running before the whistle even has sounded, running into the undead's half following the ball they just kicked - this is one onesided match now - the undead reached the ball first though and are moving forward, trying to avoid the incoming elves - there are a lot of elves down now and two wights are moving towards the elfish endzone quickly, and another elf seems to be injured, only a few minutes left in the game <booing, sounds of dissapointment from the crowd> and a wraith ran it in, it's a tie, a tie too little time left for the elfes, there is the whistle and the game is over and I haven't eaten my apple pie yet.

What an exciting second half, but way too brutal for my taste, thank god nothing happened to me, I hope you enjoyed the game and my moderation now I am off to meet uncle Phillador who had been sitting somewhere closer to the pitch, but then Phillador always has been a bit strange, take care all of you out there, and I hope we will hear each other again some time."”