“As the match ended, the Dark Elf coach sat down and had a long chat with the dice.

They were young, inexperienced dice, and The Mighty Ren thought it best that he impart some of his wisdom to them.

Here follows some exerts from their extensive talk:

"You see, dice, if it rains heavily during the whole match, that rain has to effect both teams. You can't just have the elves spinning the ball left right and centre with slippy fingers, then have the sure-hands free beastmen make every single pick-up without the need for rerolls."

"And dice, although you might find it funny to make expert dodgers roll a one for every rerolled dodge, a coach who suffers turnovers from 8 or so snake-eyes, well, he feels sad."

"I like you dice, I really do, but if an elf has block and dodge, the chance of the opponent getting a POW on a 2dblock is 1in3, not 3in3, and every POW doesn't *have* to be followed by an armour break. Now, it may be ironic that the only guy who couldn't smash my elves into pieces was the guy with claw, but irony isn't always necessary."

"Dice, kicking a man when he's down isn't big or clever. Personally, I think it's downright rude to roll ones on the winnings table for four matches in a row, particularly when the preceding rolls were all ones and twos, and the team is suffering from a serious loss of players."

"Last of all, dice, you have to give the fans something. If a team has a 6/0/5 record, should they really have -1 overall for FF? It's just mean."

******************

The match itself was fun, though tough to play. It started ok, the 9 man dark elves making a two turn td, combatting the pouring rain with rerolls and AG5 players.

The Chaos response was tough, a barrage of POWS, KO's and crowd-pushes bringing the Psychotics down to a handful of players. With dodges failing left, right and centre there was little the dark elves could do, although a last-ditch attack almost halted the Die score, forcing a reroll-less 4+ pick-up and 3+ dodge for the turn 8 score.

The second half began with snake-eyes dodging, and slippy feet was a real problem for the elves throughout the rest of the match. Although Jeran Ridael used his leap skill to good effect, launching a surprise attack which freed up the ball, it wasn't enough. Burning their final reroll, the Psychotics made their own 4+ pickup, but dodging Erhart Elfheart did not withstand the following beastman blitz.

More 4+ pickups from the beasts meant that everytime I knocked the ball loose, the chaos horde snatched it right back. Spending the last few turns with no men standing (and only five on the pitch) the Psychotics could do nothing to prevent the second chaos td.

An amazingly sporting decision not to stall by Hvidegaard gave the 6 Psychotics one last chance to score. The rolls were many and although they started well - Jeran making his 3+ leap - the move finished, of course, with a (the only dodge necessary) snake-eyes'd dodge.

A tough game where Hvidegaard positioned his players too well for me to break his cages without a lot of luck. Nuffle couldn't even spare me a little (a leaping blitz and a joyous multi dodge one dice POW aside) and I lost. Another injury, another lost FF and another crappy amount of money crown an all-round bad game for the Dark Elves.

Well beaten by a nice coach, we struggle on.”