“Fritz, looks like another beautiful bloodbowl day for our Ratwarts squad, who are feeling all full of themselves after opening the season with back to back victories over tough dwarven and nurgle teams.

That's right, Mike, so even though we only have 10 rats to field today, the crowd is expecting big things. Numbers are slowly swelling, and we have on hand a record setting audience! *mumbles*

What was that, Fritz? I didn't catch that last...?

I just said I remember the glory days, when over 150 thousand screaming fans would pack the stadium to overflowing, and the lines to use the restroom were almost as long as the lines to get cheese...

Yes, Fritz, those were the days, but hey, it's a new season, these boys are doing alright for themselves, and it's only a matter of time before we meet or even exceed those records!

I'm not holding my breath, Mike.

Good, then you can help me commentate on the match. Our boys are lined up to receive the ball, and have started into the classic feint-left-score-right play, with the elves falling all over themselves to get into position to block the route to the endzone. But what's this? Barely 2 seconds into the match, and already a rat is holding his head and looking dizzy...

Not even the dwarves and Nurgles hit this hard so early, Mike!

Well, he's been carted off to see the nurse with a boo-boo, looks like he's going to go crying home to mommy about the big, bad elves as play resumes. The Professor lobs the ball easily past the leaping wardancer, and Draco taunts the elves by walking backwards across the goalline and spiking the bloodball, to the applause of his family and friends (all 2 of them). Score 1-0, Ratwarts.

But not for long--hope you didn't blink, because that's all the time it took for the elven wardancer to make up for his missed interception by racing in a counter score for the elves, knotting the game back at 1-1.

The speed of the elves seems to have caught our Ratwarts team off guard, Fritz, after playing vs the far slower dwarves and rotters. In fact, it looks like the elves are so fast they've appeared in our half of the pitch before the kick has even landed! With a big grin, the wardancer catches the ball right in the face of Draco, laughing and taunting the little gutter by holding the ball high out of his reach...

He must not have been looking around at the other players, though, Mike, because along came Goyle who just levelled that blodging showoff, no training in proper tackling technique, simply rage at seeing his little buddy being made fun of. (Guess he's one of the two Draco friends we mentioned earlier...)

The ball flies up from the force of the impact, landing in the eager hands of Draco, who takes off flying for the endzone and his second score of the day...until the coach waves his wand and stops Draco cold, causing the ball to squirt into Hairy's hands, who then resumes the run downfield, avoiding a potential tackler along the way. Draco's fuming, and runs up to throw a blow at the back of Hairy's head, but misses and takes out the elven tackler instead, freeing Hairy up to retake the lead, 2-1.

No love lost between those two players, Mike.

Indeed not. The elves setup to receive...and this time it's the Ratwarts who jump the ball early! That little competition between Hairy and Draco must have put the whole team into the mood to go just a touch faster, creating a screen between Hairy and the elves. A wall of elves sets up between Hairy and the endzone, but with some on-pitch instruction by the Professor propelling Hairy forward, he commences with some furious dodging to squirt free and score! 3-1, Ratwarts!

The half ain't over yet, Mike. The elves have a fire in their eyes as they jump to a quick start of their own, trying to outflank our ratty defense. However, it looks like there's a certain frustration factor going on, as the elves are throwing blocks instead of passing for the score, with their designated thrower hanging back and unable to believe he has nobody to throw the ball to, they're so busy assisting each other in hitting the rats instead!

And hit they do, we're now down 4 players this match, with Filch looking like he's planning on sitting next match out to catch up on some homework, and Goyle just barely being convinced to not leave school after a memory charm almost destroys his entire memory! Those elven boys ain't pulling in spell duel punches! But looks like one elf threw one spell too many for their side, sending both him and Fred to the ground, stunned. Stunned too is the elven thrower, who suddenly finds himself taking extra astronomy lessons by counting the stars circling his aching head after a blow jars his glasses loose, and the ball too, for Draco to score his second as time expires! Ratwarts 4-1!

He got a couple more cheers this time, though that frown he's wearing at the lack of applause will surely make the cover of the paper tomorrow, Mike.

After a half of confusion, it looks like the elves finally have things figured out as we begin the second half.

Doesn't hurt they outnumber us 10-6, either, Mike.

Let's not get down just yet, the elves have to score and score quickly if they want a prayer of catching up in this one. But scoring quickly is an elven specialty, and our rats are still wondering if they're playing super-tough elves or super-fast chaos beasts, as hard as the elves keep hitting and as resilient to our own hits back as they've been! We've seen, what, 2 elves knocked out all game long, another couple stunned? Vs how much carnage in the Ratwarts ranks? The numbers are just too much, and all too soon it's 4-2 Ratwarts.

Draco's sulking in the badly hurt box, his feelings hurt because so few people applauded his score. (Ironically, there were quite a few cheers when he left the pitch under his own power to sit in the dugout...) This leaves the game in the hands of Hairy, who does a valiant effort, but there's just too many elves to dodge them all. The ball, and score, go to the elven squad, now 4-3 Ratwarts.

Things are really heating up now, the crowd is standing all throughout the stadium, Fritz. The lead is down to 1, we're still down 4 players, but there's only 2 more turns for the elves to steal the ball and then equalize the score. Can we play keep away long enough with so few players? While Crabbe and Goyle stay at the LOS drawing attention from multiple elves each, Hairy claims the ball and hides behind the Professor, Fred and Lucius, deep in our own territory. Looks like they're not even going to bother trying to score, for fear of losing the ball, and instead are going to pray the elves can't reach them in time before the half expires.

But again they've underestimated the elven speed, easily a match to the ratty pace, and our rats are going to run out of real estate before the elves can catch up to them, and that wardancer has a mean look to him with the game on the line. This can't end pretty...

*shouts* Yes it can, Fritz! It was a decoy, playing deep to draw the elves into overcommitting on all-out offense. Instead of playing it scaredy-cat and trying to hide, Fred and the Professor team up to cast a concussion curse on a thoroughly surprised elf, freeing the way for Hairy to race forward with the ball...not sure where he thinks he's going with it that Mr Wardancer can't reach...

*announcers drowned out by screams of crowd*

Incredible! Pulling a little used tactic out of his furry brain, Hairy decided to not hang onto the ball, but instead tossed it deep into elven territory! It's a footrace to the ball, except not between rat and elf, but between elf and clock! By overcommitting to offense, the elven coach doesn't have anybody back deep to send the ball back forward once more! One lineelf races desperately to grab it, throwing a desperation long bomb pass high into the air, praying somebody can catch it. But a sun-charm caused the sun to flash briefly, blinding the elven catcher into dropping the ball while rubbing his eyes! Time expires!! RATWARTS WINS 4-3!!!

Fritz, I'm not sure I can take such exciting finishes on a regular basis! But as long as we're still winning, we'll keep announcing! And as a special treat after the game, we have roving reporter Noss in the Ratwarts locker room post-game...Noss, can you hear me?

*static* *loud bangs* I can barely hear *static* all the noise of celebration going on *static* What I can report is star Draco *boos from nearby players* seems to have *static* some kind of muscle enhancers *loud boom* *static* throwing objects all around in anger, while Hairy is talking to Percy about scheduling blocking practice *extended static*

Well, that does it for this game...good night out there, and remember, bring those chocolate bunnies to the games! Get enough together, we just might get Shagrid to reappear!”