“FUMBBL CUP IV High TR Qualifier Final!!! Watched by about 40 specs at the time with a surprising number being pro-Falcons :)

Warning, the following match report is very long. It is written primarily for my own enjoyment and is thus biased and self serviing LOL.
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This match report may contain language that you find distasteful.

If you are easily offended, sensitive, have no sense of humour, or have had something tragic happen to yourself or a loved one then look away now in case you have a reaction to something in the report.

The following terms may or may not be used in the following match report:

Assault
Bad coaching
Bad luck
Bash
Block
Bloody
Crap
Crud
Dice
Dice rape
Hit
Lucker
Lucky
Murder
Smash
Splatt
Unlucky
Useless
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Well it was dice rape true and proper for my opponent. The dicerape started early, and did not finish till my opponent made his only advance roll and got a niggle on his Thrower at 31 SPP. I offered to take his number so I could call him in the morning, but he had left after telling me about the final outrage by the dice.

Anyways... the handicaps were pretty much what I hoped for.

Bad Press
Duh Where Am I (put on one of my DPs)
Illegal Drugs (gave his MA5 Str5 Mighty Blow Tackle Bltizer 4AG)
Extra Training (gave him an 8th reroll)
Knuckledusters (his three Tacklers already had Mighty Blow and I had Blodge everywhere)

The great luck for me started with my three niggle rolls all passing to bring in three Legends (my two Throwers and a Witch Elf) whilst my opponent failed his only niggle roll - his Goblin.

The Terrors won the coin toss and surprising chose to kick. They were hoping for a 2 turn score by the Falcons followed by a 6 turn grind score reply, and then an 8 turn drive score for a 2-1 win.

The Terrors kicked deep but gave the Falcons room on both wings to run through (to avoid my Frenzy pushing him out of bounds). The Falcons knocked one player over on the line of scrimmage than pushed heavily down the left with 4 players and 1 down the right flank along the sidelines.

The Terrors responded with two players marking the Witchelf on their left flank, and 5 players charging at the four Blood Falcons on their right. A blitz by one of their players knocked a Falcons Blitzer over (a damn good AG5 Leap one) who was then quickly fouled by the Terrors Dirty Player, sending him to the KO bin.

However, the Falcons were very happy with this turn of events as it meant the Terrors had fallen for their trap and over committed with all their tacklers on one side of the pitch. The Falcons promptly switched their numbers from the left wing to the right.

The Terrors managed to blitz one possible scorer over (with 2 GFI and a one dice pow!) but the Falcons had a few other options and decided to score with a pass from Azazel Firebreath to Valdrek Bloodgaze who blitzed his way to the endzone.

The Falcons were happy using up 3 turns to score, but were a bit disappointed their higher number of pows and use of Mighty Blow against a couple of AV8s (and some 9s) had yielded stuns at best.

On the next drive, the Terrors surprisingly chose to keep their Dirty Player in the dugout (the Ref had his eye on the Orks though). They started their drive well, knocking out one Falcons Bltizer. They then brought the ball forwards to just behind the line of scrimmage with their Thrower Skull Tosser IV picking up the ball deep and throwing a short pass to their Str5 and AG4 (Illegal Drugs) monster Hates Everyone.

The Orks were bunched up nice and tight with a loose screen of players on either side. A juicy fireball target the Falcons coached said to his opponent who agreed, hoping to draw it out and remove it as a factor from the game as soon as possible.

An AG4 Blitzer with the ball, 2 AG3 Blitzers, a 1 AG2 Black Orc and the AG1 Ripper Bolgrot idly chatting together about the weather. "Oi, itz suddunly very hot!" said the Orc Blitzer Hatred just before the fireball engulfed them.

Whoosh!

Four Orks down including the AG4 ball carrier! What luck heh. Got a 2+, 3+, 4+ and 5+. Failed just one of the 3+ rolls. Ok, I was real lucky there...

There were two tackle zones left on the ball, and the Falcons blitzed one of them down, before sending in an AG6 player to scoop up the ball and toss a quick pass down to Valdrek on the right wing whilst other players applied tackles to nearby Orcs and Trolls.

Then to the thunderous cheers of the spectators, the Falcons dirty player Balthazzar Darkclaw sunk his boot into the downed Black Ork Blocker with tackle, mighty blow and a juicy AV8. 9+4 (3 assists) for armour roll. 9+2 for injury, badly hurt! A crucial blow as this player was one of only 3 players with Tackle on the Terrors' team.

With 10 on 10, but the Falcons using their Blodgers with sidetsep and a couple with Diving Tackle well to minimise the Terrors' mobility, the crucial play was the Ork blitz at Valdrek (Str 4 Blodge) who had the ball. 4 GFI (1 RR used) to get a one dice Blitz which netted a Skull/Pow. The Terrors were looking in trouble scorewise...

The Falcons badly hurt the Terrors' thrower with one of their two Str4 Witch Elves, and then Valdrek ran the ball deep.

The Terrors sent their Str5 monster Hates Everyone at one of the Falcons' Witch but 4 dice (2 dice blocks rerolled) netted nothing as Diarmuid continued to have very little luck with the dice.

The Falcons knocked Hates Everybody over, and set up for a +4 foul with their Dirty Player, but Balthazzar failed his 2+ dodge to get there and stunned himself!!!! There were a lot of crowd boos at that point, they really wanted to see Hates Everyone get stomped in the gonads!!!

There was only one Ork player in reach of Valdrek who could defend himself easily (2 dice against) but he ran in the TD score as the field position did not look that advantageous for a longer stall (best to score on turn 7 and have a turn 8 chance to foul again heh).

2-0 for the Falcons with the Terrors having 2 turns to attempt a reply with no Gobbo, and only 2 players with 6 MA...

The Terrors didn't worry about scoring, instead they flattened the Falcons line of scrimmage and then sent in their dirty player to foul the Falcons centre (MA5 AG6 Blodge Guard Sidestep). It was a perfect set of rolls, 8+1 for the foul to get through armour, and then 9+2 for DP to get a casualty. What was perfect for me was the ref roll coming up with a 6, sending the Terrors player to the sin bin. Ejected!!!

A mixed reaction from the crowd, some of whom were going for the Falcons and some of whom wanted the Terrors dirty player to stay and do more damage in the second half!

The half finished with the Terrors blitzing the Falcons AV7 dirty player (Blodge Guard Jump Up +MA) as he failed his Bone Head roll and was left all by himself whilst the rest of the Falcons had formed protective groups. The Terrors were splatted him face first into the turf but were unable to get through his armour despite the use of mighty blow.

The Terrors were going to have to catch some breaks if they had any chance in this game. Starting with 10 in the second half, they had a great start as they badly hurt the Falcons replacement centre (102 SPP Blitzer with Bldoge Sidestep Tackle Dving Tackle Pass Block) and knocking over the two other line of scrimmage defenders.

The Terrors retrieved the ball and formed a cage a few paces (4-6 squares) back from their line of scrimmage. As part of this play however, their monster Hates Everyone was by himself just behind the line of scrimmage... there were Ork players in front and behind him, but there were also several avenues of attack on him....

Assists were set up and a Witch Elf floored him before Balthazzar ran in and sunk in the boot. 9+4 for armour (3 assists) and 7+2 (dirty player) for the KO. The Terrors were reeling with only one tackler left on the pitch...

The Terrors were playing for pride and wanted a TD and they ran their cage down the right flank. The Falcons swarmed the cage and surrounded it with their Sidestepping players (including a Diving Tackler on the ball carrier).

More bad luck for Diarmuid as he rerolled two pushes on one of my Witch Elves with his Str4 AV8 Blitzer and got double skulls. My Witch had Mighty Blow and the dice came up 8+1 for mighty blow (through!) and 11 for the injury and then Serious Injury -1 AV. The apothecary quickly used his magic sponge to keep the Ork player on the pitch, but the situation was getting dire for the Terrors.

The Falcons knocked the ball free, and threw it to Balthazzar Darkclaw who ran deep towards the endzone. The Terrors tried to apply defensive pressure by running a Blitzer towards Balthazzar (who was Str4 but the Ork Blitzer had Block and rerolls on his side). The Falcons scored to take a 3-0 lead but not before sending the Terrors freebooted line orc into the crowd who badly hurt him trying to get his autograph!

More bad luck for Diarmuid as his star Hates Everyone remained in the KO bin and he could only field 9 players in offence with only 4 turns to go. Wanting to see blood, the fans decided to invade the pitch! When the dust settled, 4 Blood Falcons were stunned, and one Terrors player (their only tackler!) was also face down eating turf.

The Terrors recovered the ball in their half and protected it behind a wide screen of 3 players, but did not make much headway into the Falcons' side of the pitch.

The Falcons began their defence with a lucky KO of one of the Terrors Black Orks and then applied pressure to one side of the screen in front of the ball carrier.

The Terrors did not advance the ball very far before the Falcons flooded them and knocked the ball carrier down. A foul stunned the only Ork next to the ball whilst the Falcons had four players next to it ready to scoop it up.

With only 7 players on the pitch and 2 of them stunned, it was a short turn for the Terrors. Ripper Bolgrot badly hurt the third player to play as centre for the Falcons (64 Blodge Guard Nerves of Steel Sidestep Blitzer with AV7) but it was academic now.

The Falcons recovered the ball and ran it deep. On the Terrors final turn, they finally inflicted some damage that counted, a SI MNG on 105 SPP Blitzer (AG5 Leap Guard) and the Falcons used their apothecary. Luckily the last two blocks by the Terrors didn't cause any last minute harm.

The Falcons ran in their 4th TD and the game was over.
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A very one sided game. The handicaps were pretty much perfect, I couldn't hope for better really (maybe Palmed Coin). Then the niggle rolls were also very advantageous to me (I made all 3 rolls, bringing in 3 different potential match winners and Diarmuid failed his only niggle, a Gobbo who was a legitmate scoring option).

The first few turns were good as I drew Diarmiud all over the pitch, but after that, but that was the only bit of good coaching really. The rest was a lot of nice dice rolls helping me and just playing safe and using the best odds as much as possible. No particularly clever plays, just made sure I took advantage of my mobility and ability to pin his players down and looked for a good chance to nail his tacklers.

The Fireball was a very lucky shot. I did not expect to knock down his AG4, but was just hoping to knock down 2 or 3 of the screening players to let me blitz him. The rolls were very lucky indeed.

Then my foul to get rid of one his Tacklers (badly hurt) and his dirty player getting sent off sealed the game. Sure I lost a great player to his foul, but I had a full squad of 16 whereas Diarmiud was down to 10 so that was a great swap all in all.

The dice were very one sided, but Diarmiud was a great sport and didn't moan and moan about the luck. He just played as best he could vs a far superior team that was getting all the breaks.

Anyways, long rant over, I wish Diarmuid good luck in the quickstarts, but not too much as I am sure he will do much better against me next time.
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