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<b>Moe Szyslak</b>
One of the most closely guarded secrets in Springfield is Moe the bartender's last name.
It's Szyslak, he'll tell you, but why the hell are you asking?
Even more closely guarded are details of Moe's personal life.
Outside of pulling taps at Moe's Tavern, the bartender seems to spend at least part of his time at the shooting range (he's a charter member of the Springfield Gun Club) and bowling with his league team, the Pin Pals.
No one knows how Moe has managed to keep his bar open all these years--most nights there are only three or four regulars, and his efforts to change the place into a family restaurant failed on account of his uncontrollable rage.
But many suspect that he is still receiving residual checks from his stint as a child actor on the Our Gang show back in the '40s. Moe was the ugly kid.