Captain Spanky has an illustrious pirating career behind him, being a retired terror of the shipping lanes of the old world. Throughout the years and with the support of his crew of very untrustworthy pirates, he has been in more swashbuckling adventures than 3. He has in fact been in four. As a result of this he has lost his a leg, an ear, an eye and his maiden raping equipment. After finding himself the victim of a mutiny on his treasured ship, the S.S. Spam Purse, Captain Spanky soon fell to wandering aimlessly, looting, pillaging and wanting really hard to violate all he came accross. He tired of this however and felt directionless, soon after joining Tiny Green Wrath in an attempt to fill the void that seemed to consume his soul. He is a mighty player on the field but is a pirate at heart and as such he can never truly give up his swashbuckling addiction.

Let it be known that no matter how well protected, no buckle anywhere is truly safe from being swashed.