Andrew Symonds brings gusto to whatever he does, whether firing down offbreaks or mediums, hurling his ungainly bulk round the outfield or vigorously ruffling the bowler’s hair at the celebration of a wicket. He saves his loudest grunt for his batting, where he is that rarest of modern-day creatures – an unabashed six-hitter – in the mould of a George Bonnor or a Colin Milburn or a David Hookes. Batting for Gloucestershire at 20, he scythed 16 sixes in the first dig (a world record) against Glamorgan at Abergavenny, 20 for the match (another first), and then announced he couldn’t care less about the milestone; he wanted only to help his team. He has been matter-of-factly demolishing attacks ever since. His flaw has been to attempt one six too many – invariably off the wrong ball. "I used to hate watching him bat," his old coach Toot Byron lamented recently. "He wasn’t in control of his shot-selection ... he’d get 24 off an over and then go out on the last ball of that over." Legend has it that Symonds, a curly-haired Queensland larrikin, once turned up barefoot and wearing a cowboy hat for a contract meeting with Cricket Australia’s then-chief executive Malcolm Speed. During almost five years in and out of the one-day side he frittered away golden opportunities galore. One day changed everything. Striding out with his team in turmoil against Pakistan in the 2003 World Cup, a game and tournament he never expected to play in, Symonds sculpted a masterly 143 not out in 125 balls. Until that day, he had mustered just 762 one-day runs at only 23; ever since he has averaged over 50. "In the past," he admits, "I was a man without a map when I went out to bat." Born in Birmingham, Symonds could have played for England but dreamed only of wearing the baggy green. In 2004 his fantasy was fulfilled in decidedly unGabbalike surroundings: the crackling minefields of Sri Lanka. He batted gamely without looking altogether comfortable, and was dumped after two Tests. If this really is the end, though, you’d bank on him going out the same way he always does – with a bang.

* Responsible for:
Cheesgrater - I've Had a Bad Day - RIP
Leroy - Elite Suicide Squad - RIP (Crowd Push)
Abe - Elite Suicide Squad - RIP

NIGGLED BY: Stonecold Biggins - LordChaos