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Father Ted: Fascists dress in black and go around telling people what to do, whereas priests... more drink!
Father Ted: Meals are at eleven, one, half-two, three, five, seven, and nine, and if you want a quick snack, you can just ask Mrs. Doyle there.
Father Ted: That's the great thing about Catholicism - it's very vague and no-one knows what its really all about.