Alright you Primitive Screwheads, listen up! You see this? This... is my boomstick! The twelve-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about a hundred and nine, ninety five. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that?

There I was. Face-to-face with the mother of all ugly. So I say "Come get some", and BLAM, no more Mr. Nasty Face.

When you've just emptied two barrels of a shotgun into the head of your favorite bartender it's a pretty good bet that happy hour's over.

"Hey, can I borrow your face? My ass is on vacation."

"Butt and Ugly decided to have a kid and guess what. You're the result."

"Can't you see I just want to be left alone? No? Well maybe if I shoved your eyeballs back in first..."