TEAM BIO

Closer to being an invasive species than a representation of a nation's sporting prowess, Los Quesos, as the team are not-so-affectionately nicknamed, are supposedly dressed in their traditional red and blue strip. (We say supposedly, because they're far too dirty for any observer to figure out what colour their clothing is, and nobody wants to get too close to see if they can wipe the grime off.)

Despite the acrimony when the players first appeared, with allegations that they'd eaten all the eggs of the perfectly decent lizardman team that should have been representing the country in the World Cup, nobody has been able to dislodge them. Maybe that's because of general FIFA corruption, shrouded in mystery as usual, or perhaps it's specific warpstone-related corruption, shrouded in the vile green clouds that seem to be produced by every team member.

Our prediction: midtable during the group stage, slaughtered shortly after.