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Past Players of We Can't Even Walk Straight
| Player | Position | Games | SPPs | Skills | Injuries | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 10 | Albert Fallen-Can't-Get-Up | Halfling | 2 | 0 | Dodge, Stunty, Right Stuff | m |
| 5 | Defunct Dan | Halfling | 1 | 0 | Dodge, Stunty, Right Stuff | d |
| 3 | Hapless Hrothgar | Halfling | 2 | 0 | Dodge, Stunty, Right Stuff | d |
| 3 | Antifortunate Aethelfric | Halfling | 1 | 0 | Dodge, Stunty, Right Stuff | d |
| 8 | Yossarian't | Halfling | 3 | 2 | Dodge, Stunty, Right Stuff | d |
| 12 | Justin Sane | Halfling | 1 | 0 | Dodge, Stunty, Right Stuff | d |
| 13 | Cryptojew Charlie Goldstein | Halfling | 3 | 0 | Dodge, Stunty, Right Stuff | n |
| 5 | Horribly Hirsute Harry | Halfling | 8 | 0 | Dodge, Stunty, Right Stuff | d |
| 13 | Cryptocatholic Charlie | Halfling | 4 | 5 | Dodge, Stunty, Right Stuff | n, m |
| 7 | Alphanumeric Albert | Halfling | 10 | 0 | Dodge, Stunty, Right Stuff | d |
| 13 | Ugly Ed 'Arrows | Halfling | 1 | 0 | Dodge, Stunty, Right Stuff | d |
| 2 | Jack "Half-Cocked" Shaftoe | Halfling | 15 | 12 | Dodge, Stunty, Right Stuff, Sprint | d |
| 10 | Mess in the Dining Room | Halfling | 16 | 2 | Dodge, Stunty, Right Stuff | -st, d |
| 15 | Buckle-kneed Billy | Halfling | 15 | 7 | Dodge, Stunty, Right Stuff, Strip Ball | n, d |
| 14 | Extra Extra Eric | Halfling | 7 | 0 | Dodge, Stunty, Right Stuff | d |
| 13 | Extra Eric | Halfling | 5 | 0 | Dodge, Stunty, Right Stuff | n, m, n |
| 8 | Chef the Cook | Halfling | 14 | 0 | Dodge, Stunty, Right Stuff | d |
| 3 | Unfortunate Uther | Halfling | 15 | 5 | Dodge, Stunty, Right Stuff | n |
| 2 | Justin Time | Halfling | 5 | 1 | Dodge, Stunty, Right Stuff | d |
| 12 | Justin Case | Halfling | 16 | 5 | Dodge, Stunty, Right Stuff | d |
| 11 | Makes Good Stew (When Cooked Thoroughly) | Halfling | 19 | 39 | Dodge, Stunty, Right Stuff, Sure Feet, Side Step, Sprint | n, d |
| 10 | Mess in the Kitchen | Halfling | 3 | 0 | Dodge, Stunty, Right Stuff | d |
| 8 | Ham-Fisted Harry | Halfling | 1 | 0 | Dodge, Stunty, Right Stuff | d |
| 7 | Pigeon-Toed Pete | Halfling | 8 | 2 | Dodge, Stunty, Right Stuff | d |
| 6 | Fordo Of The Two Toes | Halfling | 3 | 0 | Dodge, Stunty, Right Stuff | d |
| 5 | So Hirsute It Hurts | Halfling | 11 | 0 | Dodge, Stunty, Right Stuff | d |
| 3 | One Plus One Is Five | Halfling | 1 | 0 | Dodge, Stunty, Right Stuff | d |
| 2 | My Belly Covers My Feet | Halfling | 1 | 0 | Dodge, Stunty, Right Stuff | d |