| | Player | Position | Games | SPPs | Skills | Injuries |
| 13 | You Have a Monkey Butt Face | Blitzer | 1 | 3 | Block | d |
| 13 | Live, Live, Live, Live, Live, YOU DIE! | Blitzer | 8 | 0 | Block | d |
| 7 | You Support Aging, Ergo, You Are an Idiot | Lineman | 16 | 32 | Guard, Dodge, Block | -ag, d |
| 6 | You're Not So Bright, Are You? | Blitzer | 7 | 19 | Block, Dodge, Side Step | d |
| 13 | Goddamn, You Smell Like and Open Manhole Cover | Blitzer | 2 | 6 | Block, Dauntless | d |
| 16 | You Are A Butthead | Blitzer | 8 | 34 | Block, Dodge, Side Step, Dauntless | n |
| 6 | You Look Like a Monkey's Butt | Lineman | 1 | 0 | | d |
| 2 | I Spit on Your Grave | Lineman | 16 | 9 | Dodge | n, m, n |
| 12 | Like You'll Ever Be With Someone This Hot | Witch Elf | 5 | 12 | Dodge, Jump Up, Frenzy, Dauntless | m, n |
| 9 | Mein Gott, du bin idioten! | Lineman | 18 | 16 | +AG | d |
| 3 | You'd think that someone as ugly as you would make more of an effort to dress well | Thrower | 12 | 13 | Pass, Sure Hands | m, n |
| 8 | What is that smell? | Lineman | 14 | 21 | Guard, Dodge | d |
| 4 | I Hate Your Shoes | Lineman | 35 | 16 | Dirty Player, Guard | -av, n |
| 2 | And if it Weren't for Luck, you'd Never Win a Game | Lineman | 13 | 32 | Kick, Dodge, Block | n, m, -ag |
| 3 | You Are Hung Like A Light Switch | Lineman | 7 | 9 | | d |
| 12 | What a Mook | Thrower | 5 | 6 | Pass, Block | n |
| 15 | U-G-L-Y You Ain't Got No Alibi | Blitzer | 20 | 51 | Block, Dodge, +ST, Mighty Blow, +MA | d |
| 13 | Your Girlfriend and I Laugh About You While Engaged in Coitus | Blitzer | 25 | 52 | Block, Dodge, Tackle, Side Step, Sure Feet | d |
| 14 | God in Heaven, You're an Idiot | Blitzer | 34 | 51 | Block, +MA, Dodge, Tackle, Catch | n |
| 15 | I Will Plough Salt Into Your Gravesite | Blitzer | 5 | 16 | Block, Dodge, Catch | m, n |
| 16 | You're A Nice Boy, but about as Bright as a Bag of Hammers | Blitzer | 30 | 38 | Block, Dauntless, Dodge, Side Step | -av, d |
| 6 | You Lack Charm or Insight | Lineman | 24 | 36 | Dodge, Guard, Block | -ag, m, n |
| 16 | I looked up "pedantic twit" in the dictionary, and there was a picture of you | Blitzer | 2 | 3 | Block | d |
| 11 | Words Escape Me | Lineman | 7 | 4 | | d |
| 10 | Shut Up | Lineman | 23 | 23 | Dodge, Block | d |
| 9 | You Smell | Lineman | 16 | 17 | Dodge, Kick | m, n |
| 8 | Your Girlfriend Says Mean Things About You While We're in Bed | Lineman | 12 | 17 | Kick, Dodge | -av, m, n |
| 7 | You Smell | Lineman | 34 | 51 | Dodge, Block, Guard, Side Step | n |
| 6 | Your Parents Pay Your Friends | Lineman | 3 | 8 | Dodge | m, n |
| 5 | You're Ugly and Your Mother Dresses You Funny | Lineman | 11 | 10 | Dodge | d |
| 4 | You Make Me Puke | Lineman | 10 | 24 | Dirty Player, Block | n, m |
| 3 | Can't Stand the Sight of You | Lineman | 14 | 17 | Dodge, Guard | m, n |
| 2 | I truly, truly hate you | Lineman | 18 | 19 | Dodge, Block | m, n |
12-game Season