| Player | Position | Games | SPPs | Skills | Injuries |
16 | Can't Argue Properly | Lineman | 1 | 0 | | d |
1 | Can't Break AV7 | Storm Vermin | 5 | 2 | Block | |
8 | Can't knock down darn dorfs | Lineman | 3 | 0 | | d |
3 | Can't Take Ten Thousand - only 16 | Rat Ogre | 15 | 25 | Mighty Blow, Frenzy, Prehensile Tail, Big Guy, Wild Animal, Piling On, Guard | d |
7 | Can't get no sotosfoctoon | Lineman | 1 | 0 | | d |
12 | Can't get no satisfaction | Lineman | 2 | 0 | | d |
7 | Can't mutate usably | Lineman | 3 | 0 | | m, n |
13 | Can't choose proper opponents | Lineman | 18 | 21 | +MA, +MA | d |
1 | Can't never cause no cas ever | Storm Vermin | 15 | 15 | Block, Multiple Block | m |
6 | Can't select proper skills | Lineman | 17 | 7 | | d |
11 | Can't Block Blitzers | Gutter Runner | 32 | 55 | Dodge, Block, Side Step, Diving Tackle, Pass Block | n, n |
8 | Can't cause no cas | Gutter Runner | 20 | 45 | Dodge, +AG, Dauntless, Block | d |
10 | Can't Intercept's Cousin | Gutter Runner | 2 | 4 | Dodge | d |
10 | Can't Intercept's Sister | Lineman | 1 | 2 | | d |
6 | Can't Intercept's Brother | Lineman | 7 | 8 | Dirty Player | m, n |
15 | Can't Heal | Lineman | 42 | 35 | +AG, Guard, Block | d |
16 | Can't Hurt | Rat Ogre | 21 | 20 | Mighty Blow, Frenzy, Prehensile Tail, Big Guy, Wild Animal, Guard, Break Tackle | -ma, d |
9 | Can't Tackle Amazons | Gutter Runner | 37 | 47 | Dodge, Tackle, Block, Dauntless | -ag, m, -ma |
14 | Can't be no fodder | Lineman | 8 | 2 | | d |
13 | Can't Score | Lineman | 11 | 5 | | m, n |
8 | Can't GO FOR ITT | Lineman | 11 | 0 | | -av, d |
12 | Can't wake up from K.O. | Gutter Runner | 11 | 30 | Dodge, +MA, Dauntless | n, m, -av |
11 | Can't Intercept | Lineman | 6 | 5 | | d |
10 | Can't Catch | Lineman | 9 | 0 | | d |
9 | Can't Tackle | Lineman | 3 | 0 | | n |
8 | Can't GFI | Lineman | 3 | 2 | | d |
7 | Can't mutate | Lineman | 17 | 14 | Guard | n |
6 | Can't do a thing | Lineman | 11 | 1 | | d |
5 | Can't Dodge | Gutter Runner | 50 | 117 | Dodge, +MA, Block, Dauntless, +AG, Strip Ball | m, n |
4 | Can't Throw | Thrower | 27 | 37 | Pass, Sure Hands, Dump Off, Accurate, +AG | d |
3 | Can't pick up | Thrower | 32 | 45 | Pass, Sure Hands, Kick, Block, Dump Off | -ag |
2 | Can't POW | Storm Vermin | 51 | 183 | Block, Razor Sharp Claws, Multiple Block, Pro, Tackle, Dauntless, Mighty Blow, Pass Block | n, n, -av |
1 | Can't Block | Storm Vermin | 28 | 17 | Block, +ST, Claw | d |