| Player | Position | Games | SPPs | Skills | Injuries |
15 | Nascar > Formula 1 | Thrall | 5 | 0 | | m, d |
12 | Paper Knife CEO | Thrall | 1 | 0 | | d |
13 | The little, bankrupt 3 | Thrall | 7 | 5 | | d |
4 | Socialism! Socialism! Socialism | Thrall | 10 | 5 | | d |
3 | John Gibson | Vampire | 11 | 19 | Regenerate, Off For a Bite, Hypnotic Gaze, Undead, +AG, Block | d |
13 | Democrats Hate America | Thrall | 7 | 16 | Block, Pro | d |
15 | Nascar > W.R.C. | Thrall | 11 | 4 | | m, n |
15 | Nascar > F1 | Thrall | 1 | 0 | | m, n |
1 | Bill O'Reilly | Vampire | 3 | 2 | Regenerate, Off For a Bite, Hypnotic Gaze, Undead | m, n |
12 | Rush Limbaugh for Kids! | Thrall | 11 | 16 | Dirty Player, Block | n |
11 | Ford F-1MPG | Thrall | 10 | 0 | | d |
11 | Ford F1000050 | Thrall | 1 | 0 | | d |
3 | John Gibson | Vampire | 1 | 0 | Regenerate, Off For a Bite, Hypnotic Gaze, Undead | d |
4 | Ann Coulter | Vampire | 3 | 9 | Regenerate, Off For a Bite, Hypnotic Gaze, Undead | d |
11 | F150 #1 '92-'08 R.I.P. | Thrall | 3 | 0 | | d |
10 | Tax Money For Churches | Thrall | 22 | 17 | +MA, Block | d |
11 | Twenty Ton Toyota | Thrall | 1 | 0 | | d |
10 | God Loves Dorfs | Thrall | 1 | 0 | | m, n |
10 | AIDS is God's punishment for sin | Thrall | 1 | 0 | | d |
9 | Hummer H1 Hybrid | Thrall | 22 | 6 | Block | d |
3 | John Gibson | Vampire | 8 | 16 | Regenerate, Off For a Bite, Hypnotic Gaze, Undead, Block, Break Tackle | n |
10 | Satan Invented Condoms | Thrall | 3 | 2 | | m, n |
9 | "Mild" Hybrid Ethanol SUV | Thrall | 2 | 0 | | d |
4 | Ann Coulter | Vampire | 5 | 16 | Regenerate, Off For a Bite, Hypnotic Gaze, Undead, Block, Break Tackle | n |
3 | John Gibson | Vampire | 4 | 12 | Regenerate, Off For a Bite, Hypnotic Gaze, Undead, Block | d |
3 | John Gibson | Vampire | 3 | 6 | Regenerate, Off For a Bite, Hypnotic Gaze, Undead, Stand Firm | m, n |
11 | Alcoholic Energy Drink | Thrall | 7 | 0 | | -ag, d |
14 | 30 Grams of Sugar/Ounce Donut | Thrall | 19 | 31 | Block, Pro, +MA | -ma, m |
11 | Ninethousand lb. Nissan | Thrall | 2 | 2 | | m, n |
8 | Obama hates Mexicans | Thrall | 16 | 6 | Dirty Player | d |
4 | Ann Coulter | Vampire | 1 | 0 | Regenerate, Off For a Bite, Hypnotic Gaze, Undead | d |
15 | 30 MPG Avg. is UMPOSSIBLE | Thrall | 3 | 2 | | m, n |
11 | Three Ton Toyota Truck | Thrall | 3 | 0 | | d |
7 | Food Stamp Conservative | Thrall | 27 | 18 | Block, Pro | d |
10 | Virginity Until Marriage | Thrall | 14 | 6 | Guard | n, d |
3 | John Gibson | Vampire | 14 | 31 | Regenerate, Off For a Bite, Hypnotic Gaze, Undead, +MA, Block, Leap | d |
2 | Neil Cavuto | Vampire | 39 | 69 | Regenerate, Off For a Bite, Hypnotic Gaze, Undead, Block, Guard, Side Step, Diving Tackle | d |
1 | Bill O'Reilly | Vampire | 40 | 76 | Regenerate, Off For a Bite, Hypnotic Gaze, Undead, Block, Leap, +AG, Side Step, Sprint | n |
15 | 5 MPG Sports Truck | Thrall | 7 | 2 | | d |
10 | Proof of Creationism | Thrall | 5 | 0 | | -ma, m, n |
8 | Sexist Obama | Thrall | 16 | 0 | | d |
6 | Deep Fried Nuffle | Thrall | 35 | 26 | Guard, Block | m, n |
6 | Deep Fried Apple | Thrall | 1 | 0 | | d |
11 | Chevy Loserado | Thrall | 8 | 0 | | m, n |
11 | Domestic Compact | Thrall | 1 | 0 | | d |
13 | D.U.I. President | Thrall | 36 | 37 | Block, Dirty Player, Kick | m, -ma |
7 | Lower Class Conservative | Thrall | 13 | 17 | Block, Pro | n |
4 | Ann Coulter | Vampire | 8 | 19 | Regenerate, Off For a Bite, Hypnotic Gaze, Undead, Block, Guard | n |
16 | Flag Pin | Thrall | 5 | 0 | | d |
8 | Obama is secretly Muslim! | Thrall | 8 | 11 | +MA | d |
3 | John Gibson | Vampire | 6 | 17 | Regenerate, Off For a Bite, Hypnotic Gaze, Undead, +ST, Multiple Block | m, n |
8 | Autotragic Transmission Devotee | Thrall | 1 | 0 | | m, n |
4 | Ann Coulter | Vampire | 6 | 16 | Regenerate, Off For a Bite, Hypnotic Gaze, Undead, Block, Dump-Off | n |
3 | John Gibson | Vampire | 6 | 16 | Regenerate, Off For a Bite, Hypnotic Gaze, Undead, Block, +ST | d |
16 | Stalling costs $4.00/gallon | Thrall | 3 | 0 | | m, -av |
8 | Limbaugh Listening Hillary Voter | Thrall | 6 | 0 | | d |
15 | Deep Fried Cotton Candy | Thrall | 18 | 11 | Block | m, n |
2 | Neil Cavuto | Vampire | 26 | 34 | Regenerate, Off For a Bite, Hypnotic Gaze, Undead, +ST, Block, Leap | -av, d |
1 | Bill O'Reilly | Vampire | 17 | 51 | Regenerate, Off For a Bite, Hypnotic Gaze, Undead, Block, Leap, Side Step, Frenzy | n |
6 | Diced-Off Stoner | Thrall | 19 | 23 | Block, Kick | m, n |
8 | Deep Fried Ice Cream | Thrall | 7 | 0 | | d |
15 | 35 MPG Is Impossible | Thrall | 8 | 0 | | -ag, d |
1 | Bill O'Reilly | Vampire | 7 | 21 | Regenerate, Off For a Bite, Hypnotic Gaze, Undead, Block, +AG | d |
6 | Donuts and Beer | Thrall | 6 | 0 | | d |
12 | College Republican | Thrall | 58 | 47 | Block, Guard, Pro | -ma, m, n |
10 | Ford F1050 | Thrall | 30 | 11 | Leader | m, n |
6 | Burger King Breakfast | Thrall | 2 | 0 | | d |
14 | Krispy Kreme Heart Attack | Thrall | 53 | 31 | Dirty Player, Block, Shadowing | m, n |
10 | American Idol OMG | Thrall | 4 | 9 | Leader | d |
13 | Born-Again Addict | Thrall | 33 | 37 | +MA, +AG, Block | d |
10 | Creationist | Thrall | 1 | 0 | | d |
12 | Slurpee Addict | Thrall | 4 | 0 | | d |
11 | Full Size Truck | Thrall | 34 | 23 | Block, Dirty Player | -ag, d |
10 | Deep Fried Snickers | Thrall | 2 | 5 | | m, n |
9 | Hybrid S.U.V. | Thrall | 65 | 40 | Block, Pro, Kick | d |
6 | McDonald's Every Day | Thrall | 7 | 0 | | m, n |
7 | Poor Conservative | Thrall | 32 | 21 | Dirty Player, Guard | -st, m, n |
8 | Ice Cream Burrito | Thrall | 13 | 14 | Guard | d |
5 | Obese Diabetic | Thrall | 31 | 31 | Guard, +MA, Shadowing | -av, n |
3 | John Gibson | Vampire | 19 | 32 | Regenerate, Off For a Bite, Hypnotic Gaze, Undead, Block, Guard, +MA | m, n |
2 | Neil Cavuto | Vampire | 20 | 44 | Regenerate, Off For a Bite, Hypnotic Gaze, Undead, Block, Leap, +MA | m, -ag |
1 | Bill O'Reilly | Vampire | 8 | 13 | Regenerate, Off For a Bite, Hypnotic Gaze, Undead, Block | d |