| Player | Position | Games | SPPs | Skills | Injuries |
2 | Your Out-of-Control Uncle | Blitzer | 1 | 3 | Block | d |
2 | Your Accountant | Blitzer | 3 | 5 | Block | d |
2 | Your Creepy Science Teacher | Blitzer | 6 | 9 | Block, Dodge | d |
8 | Your Neighborhood Burnout | Lineman | 6 | 5 | | -ma, m, -ma |
13 | Your "Ladyfriend" | Lineman | 9 | 11 | Mighty Blow | m, d |
12 | Your Paranoid Dealer | Lineman | 14 | 8 | Wrestle | d |
10 | Your Local Televangelist | Lineman | 5 | 0 | | m, d |
8 | Your "Ladyfriend" | Lineman | 6 | 0 | | m, d |
9 | Your Mustachioed Hipster | Lineman | 10 | 3 | | n |
9 | Your "Ladyfriend" | Lineman | 2 | 5 | | n |
10 | Your Couch-Surfing Buddy | Lineman | 5 | 21 | Block, Dodge | m, n |
17 | William Vilerock | Lineman | 1 | 0 | | d |
1 | Your Mom | Blitzer | 19 | 43 | Block, Dodge, +MA, Side Step | d |
9 | Your Clown | Lineman | 1 | 0 | | d |
8 | Your Ex-Wife | Lineman | 7 | 10 | Block | d |
13 | Your Neighborhood Burnout | Lineman | 19 | 14 | Block | d |
5 | Your Successful Sister-In-Law | Witch Elf | 12 | 11 | Frenzy, Dodge, Jump Up, Block | d |
13 | Your Neighborhood Burnout | Lineman | 8 | 11 | Block | m, d |
12 | Your Local Televangelist | Lineman | 28 | 24 | Wrestle, Dodge | m, m, m, d |
2 | Your Creepy Math Teacher | Blitzer | 37 | 36 | Block, Dodge, Guard, Side Step | -ma, m, n |
12 | Your Band's Only Fan | Lineman | 3 | 6 | Block | d |
18 | Duane Deepfield | Lineman | 1 | 0 | | d |
1 | Your Unemployed Boyfriend | Blitzer | 26 | 45 | Block, Dodge, Mighty Blow, +ST | m, m, d |
2 | Your Creepy Sister-In-Law | Blitzer | 7 | 16 | Block, Dodge, Side Step | d |
4 | Your Paunchy Plumber | Blitzer | 36 | 69 | Block, Dodge, Tackle, Side Step, Diving Tackle | d |
9 | Your Hippie Neighbor | Witch Elf | 28 | 71 | Frenzy, Dodge, Jump Up, Juggernaut, Side Step, Block, +AG | m, d |
4 | Your Creepy Sister-In-Law | Blitzer | 4 | 0 | Block | d |
17 | Albert Fastfire | Lineman | 1 | 0 | | d |
11 | Your Ex-Wife | Runner | 11 | 18 | Dump-Off, Block, Dodge | -ma |
10 | Your Illustrious Great-Grandfather | Lineman | 33 | 30 | Block, Dodge | m, m, m, -st |
9 | Your Sassy Cashier | Lineman | 1 | 0 | | -av |
8 | Your Overweight Manager | Lineman | 32 | 26 | Block, Dodge | m, n, m, m, m, m, -av |
7 | Your Favorite Barista | Lineman | 54 | 61 | Block, Dodge, Side Step, Fend | m, d |
6 | Your Kid Sister | Lineman | 11 | 10 | Wrestle | n |
5 | Your Great-Aunt | Lineman | 10 | 11 | Wrestle | d |
4 | Your Creepy Brother-in-Law | Blitzer | 6 | 24 | Block, Dodge, Tackle | d |
3 | Your Agent | Blitzer | 11 | 14 | Block, Dodge | n |
1 | Your Unemployed Uncle | Blitzer | 15 | 19 | Block, Dodge, Side Step | -av |
2 | Your Tax Auditor | Blitzer | 12 | 16 | Block, Dodge, Tackle | d |