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Past Players of Love-Powered Sex Machines
| Player | Position | Games | SPPs | Skills | Injuries |
17 | Julius Grottystream | Lineman | 1 | 0 | | d |
4 | Colonel Sexy, Untouchable Chieftain of Love | Thrower | 4 | 11 | Pass, Leader | d |
18 | Zachary Strongwing | Lineman | 1 | 5 | | d |
17 | Xavier Blueorc | Lineman | 1 | 0 | | d |
11 | Juan Carlos Hernandez Montero III | Lineman | 4 | 0 | | d |
7 | That's Not My Cellphone... | Lineman | 4 | 12 | Dodge | -ag |
6 | Pillow Talk | Lineman | 3 | 0 | | d |
4 | Captain Sexy, Dean of the Universe | Thrower | 8 | 17 | Pass, Leader, +AG | -ma, d |
3 | Fabio | Wardancer | 19 | 37 | Block, Dodge, Leap, Strip Ball, Guard, Mighty Blow | m, d |
1 | Tall, Dark, and Handsome | Treeman | 10 | 17 | Mighty Blow, Stand Firm, Strong Arm, Thick Skull, Loner, Take Root, Throw Team-Mate, Guard | d |