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Past Players of Børk! Børk! Børk!
| Player | Position | Games | SPPs | Skills | Injuries | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 9 | Broossels Spruoots | Lineman | 2 | 0 | Block | d |
| 3 | Chuculette-a Muoosse-a | Berserker | 14 | 23 | Block, Frenzy, Jump Up, Guard, Mighty Blow | m, d |
| 5 | Meet Lueffers II | Catcher | 2 | 0 | Block, Dauntless | -st |
| 3 | Chuculette-a Muoosse-a II | Berserker | 8 | 9 | Block, Frenzy, Jump Up, Tackle | d |
| 3 | Chuculette-a Muoosse-a | Berserker | 2 | 2 | Block, Frenzy, Jump Up | n |
| 5 | Meet Lueffers | Catcher | 12 | 28 | Block, Dauntless, Sure Hands, Dodge | -av |
| 15 | Flepjecks | Lineman | 29 | 19 | Block, +AV, Fend | -av |
| 14 | Suoop | Lineman | 7 | 7 | Block | d |
| 13 | Pupcurn | Lineman | 28 | 21 | Block, +AV, Fend | m, n |
| 11 | Speghettee | Lineman | 4 | 9 | Block, Fend | d |
| 10 | Hut Dug | Lineman | 11 | 18 | Block, Fend, +AV | m, -av |
| 1 | Swedish Chef | Thrower | 27 | 59 | Block, Pass, +AG, Accurate, Kick-Off Return, Sure Hands | m, d |