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Past Players of Utensils United
| Player | Position | Games | SPPs | Skills | Injuries | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 6 | Doormat | Thrall | 3 | 0 | -av | |
| 6 | Doormat | Thrall | 5 | 0 | -ag | |
| 5 | Vase | Thrall | 16 | 5 | m, d | |
| 1 | Cooker | Vampire | 11 | 3 | Blood Lust, Hypnotic Gaze, Regeneration | |
| 4 | Tablemat | Thrall | 10 | 0 | -ma | |
| 14 | Dishclart | Thrall | 15 | 5 | -st | |
| 15 | Dishcloth | Thrall | 2 | 2 | d | |
| 9 | Doormat | Thrall | 24 | 48 | +AG, Dodge, Block | -av, n |
| 5 | Vase | Thrall | 24 | 12 | Block | -ma, d |
| 14 | Coaster | Thrall | 12 | 5 | m, m, d | |
| 12 | Chopping Board | Thrall | 28 | 14 | Dirty Player | d |
| 13 | Cork Screw | Thrall | 23 | 0 | n | |
| 12 | Rolling Pin | Thrall | 2 | 2 | d | |
| 9 | Whisk | Thrall | 9 | 5 | d | |
| 8 | Can Opener | Thrall | 4 | 0 | d | |
| 6 | Fish Slice | Thrall | 31 | 4 | m, d | |
| 5 | Spatula | Thrall | 8 | 8 | Block | d |
| 4 | Extractor | Vampire | 21 | 72 | Blood Lust, Hypnotic Gaze, Regeneration, Dodge, Block, +ST, Mighty Blow | d |
| 1 | Cooker | Vampire | 30 | 102 | Blood Lust, Hypnotic Gaze, Regeneration, Block, Pass, Accurate, Dump-Off, Dodge | d |