| Player | Position | Games | SPPs | Skills | Injuries |
6 | Anton Chekhov | Lineman | 5 | 0 | | -st |
13 | Richard Leakey | Lineman | 1 | 0 | | d |
8 | Richard Feynman | Blitzer | 7 | 7 | Block | d |
6 | Stephen Hawking | Witch Elf | 12 | 6 | Frenzy, Dodge, Jump Up, Block | |
3 | Bill Maher | Lineman | 23 | 11 | Block | m, m, -ma |
1 | Louis CK | Blitzer | 4 | 7 | Block, Dodge | d |
13 | Douglas Adams | Lineman | 18 | 33 | +AG, Wrestle, +AG | -ma |
5 | Woody Allen | Blitzer | 21 | 18 | Block, Dodge, Tackle | m, d |
14 | Dennet | Lineman | 6 | 0 | | -ag |
3 | Satre | Lineman | 6 | 3 | | d |
3 | Bertrand Russell | Lineman | 1 | 0 | | -ma |
17 | Graham Weakfist | Lineman | 1 | 0 | | d |
12 | Douglas Adams | Lineman | 1 | 0 | | -ag |
6 | Billy Connolly | Witch Elf | 12 | 15 | Frenzy, Dodge, Jump Up, Wrestle | m, -ma |
10 | Sam Harris | Blitzer | 45 | 60 | Block, Dodge, Tackle, Mighty Blow, +ST | m, m, r |
3 | George Orwell | Lineman | 9 | 10 | Block | n |
8 | Alan Turing | Lineman | 41 | 43 | Block, Dodge, Tackle | m, m, d |
7 | Joseph Louis Lagrange | Lineman | 1 | 0 | | |
6 | Niels Bohr | Lineman | 7 | 11 | Block | -ma |
13 | Frank Zappa | Lineman | 5 | 7 | Block | -st |
12 | Christian Bohr | Lineman | 3 | 0 | | |
10 | Francis Crick | Lineman | 9 | 3 | | -av |
11 | Angela Carter | Witch Elf | 11 | 24 | Frenzy, Dodge, Jump Up, Wrestle, Side Step | m, m, d |
10 | Stephen Hawking | Lineman | 6 | 0 | | d |
8 | Oliver Sacks | Runner | 17 | 13 | Dump-Off, Nerves Of Steel | n |
6 | David Attenborough | Lineman | 14 | 0 | | -ma |
5 | Voltaire | Lineman | 32 | 54 | Block, Kick, Dodge, Tackle | d |
6 | Marie Curie | Lineman | 3 | 0 | | d |
11 | Edgar Allan Poe | Lineman | 5 | 3 | | d |
10 | Sarah Silverman | Witch Elf | 5 | 9 | Frenzy, Dodge, Jump Up, Wrestle | d |
12 | Katharine Hepburn | Witch Elf | 1 | 0 | Frenzy, Dodge, Jump Up | d |
1 | George Bernard Shaw | Blitzer | 46 | 85 | Block, +MA, Dodge, +MA, +AG, Leap | m, n, d |
11 | Friedrich Nietzsche | Lineman | 11 | 18 | Kick, Block | d |
10 | Averroes | Lineman | 9 | 0 | | m, -ag |
9 | Robert Heinlein | Lineman | 75 | 41 | Guard, Block, Dodge | -ma, m, -av |
8 | Woody Allen | Lineman | 14 | 8 | Block | m, d |
7 | Samuel Clemens | Lineman | 31 | 30 | +MA, Wrestle | -av |
6 | Ernest Hemmingway | Lineman | 13 | 16 | Block | d |
5 | Roger Ebert | Runner | 15 | 14 | Dump-Off, Nerves Of Steel | d |
4 | George Carlin | Blitzer | 55 | 95 | Block, Dodge, Mighty Blow, Juggernaut, Tackle, Jump Up | m, m, d |
3 | Percy Shelley | Blitzer | 33 | 98 | Block, Dodge, +AG, Tackle, +MA, Leap | m, d |
2 | Christopher Hitchens | Blitzer | 70 | 157 | Block, +MA, Dodge, +MA, Tackle, Jump Up | m, m, d |
1 | Douglas Adams | Blitzer | 2 | 5 | Block | -st |