| Player | Position | Games | SPPs | Skills | Injuries |
3 | The Establishment of Annoyed Frilled Dingos | Thrower | 4 | 8 | Pass, Accurate | m, n |
7 | Holy Junk Dispenser | Lineman | 10 | 19 | Block, Guard | m, n |
5 | Captain of the Lime Department | Catcher | 10 | 32 | Catch, Dodge, Block, Side Step, Diving Tackle | m, n |
4 | Haunted Grape Seeds | Thrower | 6 | 20 | Pass, Accurate, Safe Throw | d |
5 | Gyrating Soap Level | Lineman | 11 | 22 | Block, Dodge | d |
3 | Zephyr Monkies! | Lineman | 20 | 23 | Block, Dodge | d |
10 | Reverse Painting Device | Catcher | 18 | 62 | Catch, Dodge, Block, Side Step, Leap, Pass Block | m, n |
2 | Couldn't be Worse | Lineman | 6 | 7 | Block | m, n |
7 | Fort Lazy Giraffe | Catcher | 10 | 26 | Catch, Dodge, Block, Nerves of Steel | d |
8 | The Newer Guy | Lineman | 10 | 28 | Block, Dodge | -ma, d |
3 | Hanged Fishsticks | Catcher | 9 | 36 | Catch, Dodge, Block, +AG, Pass Block | d |
7 | The New Guy | Lineman | 4 | 3 | | d |
4 | Xerox Montage | Thrower | 28 | 75 | Pass, +AG, Accurate, +ST, Safe Throw | n |
3 | Three Mile Soup | Catcher | 8 | 23 | Catch, Dodge, +MA, Block | n, m, n |
7 | Lemon Pie For Old Lamps | Catcher | 2 | 5 | Catch, Dodge | m, n |
4 | Everybody Wang Chung Tonight | Thrower | 9 | 18 | Pass, Accurate, +AG | m, n |
1 | Cranberry Police | Catcher | 38 | 138 | Catch, Dodge, +AG, Nerves of Steel, Block, Pass Block, Leap, Side Step | n |
13 | Future Reading Material | Wardancer | 59 | 189 | Leap, Block, Dodge, +AG, Strip Ball, Pass Block, Guard, +MA, +ST, Tackle | m, -st |
12 | The Kaiser | Wardancer | 44 | 126 | Leap, Block, Dodge, Dauntless, Mighty Blow, +AG, Tackle, Frenzy, Side Step | -av, m, n |
10 | Fine Wine and fine cheese is better aged, but not this guy | Lineman | 12 | 16 | Block, +ST | n |
9 | "Wash" is also a Pearl Jam song | Lineman | 17 | 23 | Guard, Block | d |
8 | That's a Pearl Jam Song | Lineman | 5 | 2 | | d |
7 | Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town | Lineman | 1 | 2 | | m, n |
5 | Speed Kills | Lineman | 33 | 31 | Block, Dodge, Guard | m, n |
4 | Certain Doom | Lineman | 4 | 7 | Block | n |
3 | Wearing those fuzzy little hats | Lineman | 12 | 31 | Block, Dodge, Kick | n |
2 | Gyroscope, Inc. | Lineman | 31 | 39 | Block, Dodge, Tackle | n, m |
1 | The Czar | Wardancer | 4 | 16 | Leap, Block, Dodge, Strip Ball, +MA | n |