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Past Players of U Can't Touch This
| Player | Position | Games | SPPs | Skills | Injuries | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 15 | El Numero Numero | Goblin | 3 | 3 | Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty | d |
| 11 | Undici v2 | Goblin | 3 | 0 | Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty | m |
| 8 | Otto v2 | Goblin | 6 | 5 | Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty | d |
| 15 | Quindici | Goblin | 9 | 0 | Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty | d |
| 14 | Quattordici | Goblin | 8 | 22 | Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty, Side Step, Jump Up | d |
| 13 | Tredici | Goblin | 15 | 5 | Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty | m, d |
| 12 | Dodici | Goblin | 15 | 0 | Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty | d |
| 11 | Undici | Goblin | 2 | 0 | Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty | -ag |
| 9 | Nove | Goblin | 17 | 6 | Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty, Sneaky Git | d |
| 8 | Otto | Goblin | 2 | 0 | Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty | d |
| 4 | Pogo Joe | Pogoer | 17 | 22 | Dodge, Leap, Very Long Legs, Stunty, Catch, Block | m, m, d |
| 2 | The Other 'Un | Troll | 15 | 27 | Mighty Blow, Always Hungry, Loner, Really Stupid, Regeneration, Throw Team-Mate, Juggernaut, Strong Arm | n |