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FUMBBL HAIKU'S

SWL Season CI

"Blitzers the stars?! Hah! They are just linedrunks on mushrooms, who can neck-flip to their feet.The real heros are the silky touched catchers, mate. Skaal!" - Hauk Gullsleiksson, Neanderstars Catcher * * * N I V L H E I M * * * N E A N D E R S T A R S * * * These useless half-naked lowbrows was a gathering of barfighting, womanizing, beer consuming blokes, who divided their time, playing Blood Bowl, and blasting their brains out with beer and woman (yes, in singular) while recovering from the last couple of blocks. On the field they mostly spent their time on hopeless long bombs, chasing herds of razor sharp goats, and headbutting monster genitalia. Much like any other Norse team then. The player who singelhandedly knocked the biggest opponent over, always got free beer and meat until the next game. Originally thought to be worthless, after a long losing streak, seeing their fans halfway give up on them, things started to look better, and in their final tournament they almost achieved greatness. Masters at multi tackle zone dodges, against the odds go for it blocks, and long bombs, the Neanderstars actually gathered some famous wins to wash down with their pints of beer. They still mostly lost, though. * * * LAST STANCE OF THE NEANDERSTARS * * * FUMBBL SMACK Pro CCLXXXVIII From Nivls Regions Kringkrysting The Last Stance of the Neanderstars. Hardballing team leaves the Old World grid and goes into retirement. As a last tribute to their fans, Coach Balle2000 enters the Neanderstars into a Pro tournament. Featuring Undead, Chaos, Ogre, Orcs, Skaven and no less than TWO Khemri teams, the Coach was quoted saying "As a final thank you we want to give the fans what they deserve. This tournament will surely see the Neanderstars go to Valhall in a blaze of blood and glory". All-time top SPP scorer lineman Hjalling Lortjolfsson even had to retire to allow the Nivlheim side access to the tournament. "Now THAT is dedication!", one of the other tournament coaches burst out. The fans were expecting a blood bath. Popkhorne sales reached a record high. QUARTER FINAL 2-1 (OT) TANGLE MASTERS (Skaven) - Coach: ibar By Odin's luck, the norse got drawn against the Skaven. But up against the shrewd coaching of ibar, it looked like the Neanderstars wasn't to get their blood spilt afterall. However, an early lead, saw the Stars defend until half-time, frustrating the Rats who couldn't get the ball to the Gutter Runners. The second half saw much of the same, and the players where getting tired. One of the Storm Vermin couldn't embrace for the impact, as Jotnens Storebror blitzed and killed it. Later the Ogre itself suffered a serious injury, as it clumsily clattered into a Linerat, while the Rat Ogre knocked itself out in similar circumstances. However, a sweaty and angry Gutter Runner, could finally equalize in turn 8, taking the match into over time. The fans, never having seen the Neanderstars play so good, had become extatic, and were starting to dream of the trophy. Kicking off, the norse, obviously whipped into a frenzy by their suddenly inspiring fans, starting smashing the rats. Holding on to the ball by the endzone, the Rats were decreasing in numbers. When the touchdown was finally made, the Rats were so exhausted they couldn't muster to equalize, and to everyone's shock, the Neanderstars was now in the Semis! SEMI FINAL 1-2 SAWSCYTHE BONEBLADES (Khemri) - Coach: On1 There was mayhem and loud yells coming from the Neanderstars locker room after the Coach had gone to announce they were playing Khemrians in the Semi. The yells was not because of the intense fear some seem to be struck by talking about bandaged up monsters, but because this meant the long expected arrival of Zara! The players were absolutely woofing extatic. They had waited for a chance to hit on her since she had entered the Blood Bowl scene. She was some of the linemen's soul reason for getting into the game in the first place! When Zara arrived the players where falling over themselves trying to impress her, and the morale was excellent. However none of the players seemed to be able to get into her pants (not that she wears any). Not even the stoically cool star thrower Falk Solglimmersson got anywhere. Some of the younger linesmen where even starting to mutter about the rumors of Zara being a lesbian, but everybody knows that this is just a rumour an emasculated star blitzer Griff Oberwald started, when his usual Empiric helmet of honor story failed to impress. Oh yeah! The Khemri won the game 2-1 in overtime. Zara killed a Blitz-Ra, and removed a Mummy from the game. She got sent off before the extra time, after the Ref overheard a Norse blitzer's theorizing about "what she uses those stakes for when she's not playing". * * * THE 7 FAMOUS VICTORIES * * * 3-2 ISENGARD'S ELITE (Orc) Out of the hundreds of letters from Orc teams recieved every month, most of them goes ignored in Norsica. On their way home from an away game with som really nasty Dark Elfs though, The Neanderstars came across some sorry looking orcs. Their coach explains that they have been orchandled themselves by some bigger orcs, and were quite weakened. So the set was staged, or the other, for a recovery friendly between vikings and greenskins, seeing the Norse run in 3 touchdowns, while some strange shit was going on for Isengard's Elite. Flying Goblins? Shiiit... 2-1 ADVENTURES OF ELFTOR (Wood Elf) Drunk out of their minds Neanderstars struggle to win against 5 elfs and a Tree. Not knowing upfield from downfield, the Norse - having taken lightly upon the matchup - stumble around causing turnovers. The opponent coach spits insults and curses the Sylvan Goddesses for every step they take. 2-1 EKRUND BULLDOGS (Dwarf) The Dwarfs never get their running game going in this Berserker bashup. Despite of having half their team knocked out or worse, Nivlheim controls it to a 2-1 victory, while the Dwarfs strugle at man-to-dwarf marking these naked bundles of beer-breathed blockage. 2-1 ROOKED (Undead) Nice pass play (!) sees the Neanderstars go 1-0 up, but the score gets equalized in a 1st half turn 8 counter move spanning the full length of the field. The fans temporarily shocked by the burst of undead flair. Undead start with the ball in the 2nd half, but star lineman Hjalling Lortjolfsson sacks the Quarterghoul, and eventually runs in 2-1. Outplays and outblocks the Undead for the rest of the half, also winning 6-2 in casualties. 4-1 PRINCES OF THE TAIGA (Wood Elf) Fearless lineman Ulfrolf Balleveiksson knocks down the Tree at kick-off, and Ughla Krohsson follows up with one of his trademark diving headbutts, which sees the tree badly injured and out for the game. After losing their strongest player the Elfs never recover their shape, and they are left asleeping, as the Nordic blitz hit them over, and over, and over again. Minotaur dies while sprinting, but the Norse shaman heals the sorry Cow with ointment. 1-0 BAUSTELLENAMOK (Necromantic) With an incredible 80% luck rate, and with no Ogre or Minotaur to keep the Flesh Golems busy, the Neanderstars manage a 1-0 win, as a werewolf dies tripping over Harknar Beinarsson's outstretched boot. The Necro team's last game, as they retire promptly after being the first team EVER to lose to the Neanderstars. *** S T A R S *** FALK SOLGLIMMERSSON (Thrower) Mistakenly bought instead of a catcher (and greeted with rage by his new coach), this strong super talent, killed a Chaos Warrior with his bare hands in only his third game (then a substitute Thrower). "I'm just focusing on feeding my catchers with long bombs. Killing that abommination of Chaos was just a bonus. Yes, of course it gets me laid." OKSEN (Minotaur) Neanderstars' minotaur assistant coach. Fouled by a Ghoul-hating zombie, he was promptly retired after extensive nerve damage. Never reaching his dream of becoming the first two-headed Minotaur in Norse Bowl. He is now a fearful cow character in the Nivlheim Dugout. Sporting a stylish suit and tie, he wakes up the drunks in the Nivlheim KO box.

		For					Against
Opponent	Race	TV	SPP	Cas	Gold	Score	TV	SPP	Cas	Gold	Gate
Freaks of Fortune	Chaos Dwarf	1000k	7	2/0/0	70k	0 - 1	1000k	12	1/1/0	100k	67k
Elf Like Football	Elf	1080k	10	2/1/0	60k	0 - 2	1120k	20	2/0/0	60k	54k
Semharoth	Dark Elf	1170k	14	1/0/1	80k	2 - 3	1000k	14	1/0/0	80k	77k
WWG forever	Orc	1280k	5	0/0/0	60k	0 - 2	1350k	23	5/1/1	60k	67k
Hairy Bulls	Chaos	1290k	9	2/1/0	30k	0 - 1	1200k	14	2/0/1	70k	69k
Muerte silenciosa	Dark Elf	1340k	10	1/0/1	30k	0 - 3	1320k	25	5/0/0	60k	64k
Strong Female Characters II	Amazon	1390k	10	1/0/0	70k	1 - 2	1280k	18	1/3/1	60k	69k
Good novels	High Elf	1410k	14	1/0/0	60k	2 - 2	1200k	17	1/0/0	40k	39k
Blizz wiv Minit00r!!	Norse	1500k	11	0/1/0	80k	1 - 1	1430k	14	3/1/0	40k	70k
Nouffle Cuisine	Norse	1590k	9	0/0/0	30k	1 - 1	1390k	14	1/1/1	30k	47k
Baustellenamok	Necromantic	1480k	22	2/3/2	30k	1 - 0	1320k	9	1/2/0	30k	57k
Mutation Club	Chaos	1440k	11	2/1/1	70k	0 - 1	1470k	8	2/0/0	80k	55k
Raven Children	Necromantic	1550k	9	0/1/0	30k	1 - 2	1530k	13	1/0/0	40k	70k
Brooooommmmm	Skaven	1580k	20	3/0/0	60k	2 - 4	1580k	30	5/0/1	40k	70k
rotting hunger	Necromantic	1560k	5	0/0/0	70k	0 - 2	1560k	13	1/3/0	50k	69k
Banks	Chaos	1480k	5	1/0/0	40k	0 - 2	1770k	19	4/0/0	40k	94k
Writers Block!	Norse	1530k	10	2/1/0	10k	0 - 2	1420k	13	1/1/1	60k	57k
Princes of the Taiga	Wood Elf	1450k	21	2/1/0	60k	4 - 1	1520k	10	0/0/0	10k	56k
Los Agros de F	Ogre	1490k	7	1/0/1	40k	0 - 2	1760k	19	3/1/0	30k	64k
Rooked	Undead	1530k	21	4/1/0	70k	2 - 1	1520k	13	1/1/0	20k	55k
Dark Centaur	Chaos Dwarf	1640k	0	0/1/0	0k	0 - 1	1660k	18	4/0/1	70k	63k
Ekrund Bulldogs	Dwarf	1630k	14	1/0/0	50k	2 - 1	1680k	18	4/0/0	60k	46k
High Kings Crew	High Elf	1720k	15	1/0/1	40k	1 - 3	1850k	25	2/2/0	50k	59k
Ghrond Spires	Dark Elf	1710k	9	0/2/0	10k	1 - 2	1750k	19	0/3/0	20k	56k
Adventures Of Elftor	Wood Elf	1650k	15	2/0/1	40k	2 - 1	2440k	12	0/1/0	0k	79k
Survival of the fattest	Ogre	1730k	9	0/0/0	40k	1 - 2	1950k	17	3/0/0	60k	86k
Red Pox Allstars	Nurgle	1780k	12	1/2/0	10k	1 - 2	1990k	16	3/0/0	40k	72k
No Ghouls Allowed	Shambling Undead	1810k	8	1/0/0	40k	0 - 3	1790k	25	4/2/0	50k	50k
Lolcatz	Orc	1750k	9	1/0/0	30k	1 - 2	1530k	23	4/1/0	50k	61k
Cute Cuddly Critters	Skaven	1800k	9	2/1/1	40k	0 - 2	2140k	17	2/0/1	30k	111k
Dragons of Curan	Lizardmen	1740k	5	0/1/1	30k	0 - 1	1890k	19	5/2/0	20k	50k
Mining For Another Elf	Dark Elf	1780k	8	1/0/0	50k	0 - 4	1760k	23	1/2/0	70k	66k
Isengard`s Elite	Orc	1740k	18	1/0/0	70k	3 - 2	1730k	15	2/0/0	60k	53k
Tangle Masters	Skaven	1690k	20	2/1/1	70k	2 - 1	1510k	16	2/2/0	60k	79k
SawScythe BoneBlades	Khemri	1800k	12	3/1/1	10k	1 - 2	1640k	25	4/2/1	60k	49k