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Average Suburbanite Slobs
Retired [X] Dwarf

A team inspired by Dennis Leary's 1993 song about his view of the average American male. It's title, if you don't already know it, sums up how I feel about Dorfs in general. If you've not seen it before and fancy a laugh, check out the video below. And if you're really keen, the lyrics are hidden at the bottom. Just watch out, there are a few naughty words in there...

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<div><span><input type="button" value="Show Lyrics" style='width:150px;font-size:12px;margin:0px;padding:0px;' onclick="if (this.value == 'Show Lyrics') { this.parentNode.parentNode.getElementsByTagName('span')[1].getElementsByTagName('span')[0].style.display = ''; this.value = 'Argh, too naughty for me!'; } else { this.parentNode.parentNode.getElementsByTagName('span')[1].getElementsByTagName('span')[0].style.display = 'none'; this.value = 'Show Lyrics';}"></span><span><div class="alt2" ><span style='display: none;'><!--
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<b><big>Lyrics</big></b>
Folks, I'd like to sing a song about the American dream.
About me, about you, about the way our American hearts beat way down
in the bottom of our chests. About the special feeling we get in the
cockles of our hearts, maybe below the cockles, maybe in the subcockle
area. Maybe in the liver. Maybe in the kidneys. Maybe even in the
colon, we don't know.
(Sung)
I'm just a regular Joe with a regular job.
I'm your average white suburbanite slob.
I like football and porno and books about war.
I've got an average house with a nice hardwood floor.
My wife and my job, my kids and my car.
My feet on my table and a cuban cigar.
But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a man like me interested
(oh no) no way (uh-uh)
No, I've gotta go out and have fun at someone else's expense
(oh yeah) Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
I drive really slow in the ultra-fast lane,
While people behind me are going insane.
I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, such an asshole)
I use public toilets and piss on the seat,
I walk around in the summertime saying "How about this heat?"
I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (He's the world's biggest asshole)
Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces,
While handicapped people make handicapped faces.
I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (He's a real fucking asshole)
Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong
NAAAAH!
I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's the world's biggest asshole)
(Spoken)
Know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado,
hot-fuckin'-pink, with whaleskin hubcaps and all-leather cow interior and big
brown baby seal eyes for headlights... yeah! And I'm gonna drive around in
that baby doing 115 miles an hour, getting 1 mile per gallon, suckin' down
quarter pound cheeseburgers from McDonald's in the old-fashioned non-
biodegradable styrofoam containers... yeah! And when I'm done suckin' down
those greaseball burgers I'm gonna toss the styrofoam containers right out the
side, and there ain't a goddamn thing anybody can do about it. You know why?
Because we got the bombs, that's why... yeah! Two words--nuclear fuckin'
weapons, OK? Russia, Czechoslovakia, Romania, they can have all the democracy
they want...they can have a democracy cakewalk right through the middle of
Tienamen Square and it won't make a lick of fuckin' difference, because we got
the bombs, OK? John Wayne's not dead--he's frozen! And when we find a cure for
cancer, we're gonna thaw out the Duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off. You
know why? You ever taken a cold shower? Well, multiply that by 15 million
times--that's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be. I'm gonna get the Duke and
John Casavetti and Sam Peckinpaw and a case of fuckin' whisky and drive...
(Hey, hey, hey, hey, you know you really are an asshole?)
Why don't you shut up and sing the song, Chris. I thought I was the
asshole... all the time it was him... what an asshole!
(Sung)
I'm an asshole (I'm an asshole, he's an asshole)
I'm an asshole (He's the world's biggest asshole)
A S-S H-O L-E
Everybody, A S-S H-O L-E
Ay Ay-Ay Ay-Ay Ay-Ay
A-thoom A-thoom-thoom A-thoom-thoom A-thoom-thoom
Oooooooo
(Spoken)
I'm an asshole and I'm proud of it!
(Chris mouths: Asshole)
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<small>(Pictures are all taken from the first result on google images when searching for players name, some wierder than others!)</small>
New Team Page Beta
Player Ma St Ag Av Skills Inj G Cp Td It Cs Mvp SPP Cost  
1
I'm just a regular Joe...
Troll Slayer
5 3 2 8
Block, Dauntless, Frenzy, Thick Skull
Side Step
   6 0 0 0 1 1 7/ 120k
(40)k
  
2
...with a regular job
Troll Slayer
5 3 2 8
Block, Dauntless, Frenzy, Thick Skull
   3 0 0 0 0 0 0/ 90k
(20)k
  
3
Average white suburbanite slob
Blitzer
5 3 3 9
Block, Thick Skull
Stand Firm
   19 1 2 0 2 0 11/ 110k
(70)k
  
4
I like football and p***o
Blitzer
5 3 4 9
Block, Thick Skull
Mighty Blow, +AG, Guard
   16 8 1 0 3 3 32/ 160k
(138)k
  
5
My wife and my job, my kids and my car
Runner
6 3 3 8
Sure Hands, Thick Skull
Dirty Player, Block
   35 4 4 0 0 2 26/ 120k
(123)k
  
6
My feet on my table and a cuban cigar
Runner
7 4 3 8
Sure Hands, Thick Skull
+ST, Dodge, Side Step, +MA
   17 0 17 0 2 1 60/ 220k
(193)k
  
7
I drive really slow in the ultra-fast lane
Longbeard
4 3 2 9
Block, Tackle, Thick Skull
   1 0 0 0 0 0 0/ 70k
(20)k
  
8
I use public toilets and p*** on the seat
Longbeard
4 3 2 9
Block, Tackle, Thick Skull
   0 0 0 0 0 0 0/ 70k
(20)k
  
9
I walk around in the summertime saying "How about this heat?"
Longbeard
4 3 1 9
Block, Tackle, Thick Skull
Guard, Mighty Blow, Stand Firm
 -ag 46 0 2 0 14 2 44/ 140k
(85)k
  
11
Suckin' down quarter pound cheeseburgers from McDonald's
Longbeard
4 3 2 9
Block, Tackle, Thick Skull
Guard, Mighty Blow
   13 0 0 0 6 2 22/ 110k
(75)k
  
12
There ain't a goddamn thing anybody can do about it
Longbeard
4 3 1 9
Block, Tackle, Thick Skull
 -ag 8 0 0 0 0 0 0/ 70k
(15)k
  
13
Because we got the bombs, that's why... yeah!
Longbeard
4 3 2 9
Block, Tackle, Thick Skull
Guard, Mighty Blow
   41 0 2 0 3 1 17/ 110k
(75)k
  
14
John Wayne's not dead--he's frozen!
Longbeard
4 3 2 9
Block, Tackle, Thick Skull
Guard, Mighty Blow
   29 0 2 0 3 1 17/ 110k
(75)k
  
15
Why don't you shut up and sing the song, Chris.
Longbeard
4 3 2 9
Block, Tackle, Thick Skull
Guard
   28 0 1 0 3 0 9/ 90k
(50)k
  
14 players  
Coach: Cribbleobblepie Re-Rolls (80k): 5  
Race: Dwarf Fan Factor: 11  
Current Team Value: 0k Assistant Coaches: 0  
Treasury: 20k Cheerleaders: 0  
Team Value: 1950k Apothecary: Yes  

Games Played:48 (24/8/16) |TD Diff:13 (66 - 53) |Cas Diff:81 (89/57/26 - 40/29/22)
Last Opponent: Fekal BBC

  For   Against  
Opponent Race TV SPP Cas Gold Score TV SPP Cas Gold Gate
Chaos RhinosChaos1000k233/0/080k4 - 01000k50/0/040k38k
Test Your MightSkaven1120k152/0/090k2 - 21210k150/0/170k68k
SnackablesHalfling1210k212/2/170k2 - 01410k111/1/150k54k
Reservior DogsHuman1230k141/1/170k1 - 01250k50/0/040k57k
Return of the DwarfslayersNurgle1330k110/0/080k2 - 11390k90/0/070k75k
Strong and Brutal ElvesElf1400k193/4/0100k2 - 11620k101/0/060k83k
Fat Bottomed Boys IIDwarf1500k152/1/060k1 - 01440k110/2/070k72k
Empire Strikes Back InsanityHigh Elf1500k73/0/190k0 - 31570k172/0/160k88k
Biting DorgsDwarf1470k111/2/070k1 - 21500k171/1/170k84k
New Beards on The BlockDwarf1480k152/1/170k2 - 11300k30/0/060k76k
Manston MarionettesAmazon1580k172/2/080k2 - 11300k90/0/080k79k
Unknown StrangersHuman1640k102/2/160k1 - 21620k82/0/2100k146k
squireSkaven1450k190/3/280k2 - 11340k110/1/040k66k
Bilbali HammersHuman1580k121/0/130k1 - 22050k161/0/130k89k
Ganja bay pistonesDwarf1620k80/0/040k1 - 11660k80/0/040k82k
Super Troopers TourShambling Undead1680k152/1/050k1 - 11780k103/0/040k88k
Ag Iz CheatingWood Elf1750k81/0/040k1 - 11740k132/1/150k88k
Valley VikingsHuman1800k172/1/140k2 - 01930k50/0/050k44k
Hoch die TassenDwarf1890k114/1/060k0 - 12240k80/0/040k68k
Strong and Brutal ElvesElf1970k102/1/030k1 - 22200k130/1/080k110k
Pale Moon ReapersNecromantic Horror1950k71/0/160k0 - 12000k60/0/060k116k
Return of the Dead JediNecromantic1950k71/1/010k0 - 21900k60/0/170k68k
Death Valley DazeShambling Undead1740k243/3/210k2 - 01700k51/0/110k34k
Rainhas de BelezaAmazon1800k161/2/220k1 - 21840k110/0/040k86k
Flash LightningSkaven1700k152/3/080k2 - 01560k81/0/130k61k
ArticstyleDwarf1810k162/2/070k1 - 01740k91/1/050k69k
Ganassa'sChaos1910k142/0/120k1 - 12300k132/0/00k62k
Children Of Khal-MarazDwarf1960k152/2/050k2 - 01870k81/0/050k62k
abro starsOrc2000k101/0/020k1 - 12240k101/2/020k69k
Mortog's MoschazOrc1710k192/2/160k2 - 01710k70/0/070k63k
1968 New York JetsHuman1820k192/3/030k2 - 11910k100/1/160k92k
TentativeDwarf1890k173/0/050k2 - 21920k193/0/020k76k
Cloverfield Corpse CarriersShambling Undead1970k110/0/140k1 - 12050k80/0/040k51k
Khorn's ServantsChaos2030k132/1/020k2 - 12180k162/2/10k79k
R ORC 1st BattalionOrc2080k183/1/010k2 - 12010k100/0/10k63k
Angry NewscastersTomb Kings2040k143/1/050k1 - 01880k103/3/240k131k
No Gold Just DaughtersNorse1950k233/3/340k2 - 11510k90/0/040k68k
Gentle BowlersChaos Chosen2030k110/2/140k0 - 22450k172/3/130k98k
shadowrowsAmazon1980k233/2/130k2 - 01830k71/0/050k79k
Sleeper in MetropolisNecromantic Horror2070k121/1/020k1 - 22430k151/2/040k104k
XprojectXOrc1990k80/0/020k1 - 22050k140/0/150k79k
kansosOrc2020k143/1/040k0 - 22280k141/2/170k135k
Blood Spiller HordeOrc2090k102/0/150k0 - 22250k111/2/160k101k
Sexy Vicius in OgrelandOgre2060k120/1/00k1 - 22240k151/1/020k79k
Strong and Brutal ElvesElf2080k204/1/240k2 - 12550k91/1/120k101k
Seattle Sea DwarvesDwarf1680k131/1/060k2 - 01690k112/1/140k78k
El Dorado GoldAmazon1760k244/1/130k3 - 21660k161/0/070k83k
Fekal BBCOrc1840k133/1/070k1 - 22300k151/1/050k92k