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Hawaiian Punks
Retired [X2] Halfling

<img src=http://fumbbl.com/teams/107743.jpg>
Zog Leathertongue scratched the dozen or so hairs he so generously called a beard. “Well,” he began, nervously fumbling with several sheets of brightly coloured parchment, “another idea is to give away hibiscus print spiked collars with every case of Hawaiian Punk Fruit Drink,” he said, handing Gaff Sucrodextrine a strip of yellow studded leather. The sugarmonger’s nose turned red; not the lovable happy-go-lucky drunk hue of red, but instead the ruddy, angry red often seen on the frills of hungry sarulizards. Gaff walked slowly toward the advertising executive, his hands outstretched and clutching the yellow garrote. But just before Gaff was about to strangle poor Zog (spike side in of course) the only thing that could have spared the poor halfling did –the Third Lunch* Whistle sounded. SugarMonger’s ears perked up, his mouth watered, and his brain forgot who the scared little man in front of him was; there were many such men when you are the head of several companies. “Right then,” said Gaff, “that’s one hour and a half for lunch,” Zog nearly tripped over his feet backing out of the office. “Oh, Executive Leathertongue,” added Gaff, “You also have an hour and a half to come up with something or else I feed you to the trolls.”
“Ah, come on now Zog,” said Herman the barkeep, “it’s not youz fault you have to be an adding exectuive, it’s you family tradition.” Zog smiled weakly over his ale to the old ork. He didn’t bother to try and correct his family tradition, partly because poor Thragga really didn’t understand what advertising was (he didn’t even have a sign outside his tavern), because he really hated tradition. It’s what marred the Leathertongue name, literally. Zog’s great-great-grandfather was Cam Silvertongue, a halfling that could sell teddy bears to beastmen and survive. However, it all began to crumble when Cam’s son, Will, started an advertising company that advertised Cracker Smackers crispy chips. Will’s grand idea was to hire miscreants to run up to people, smack them in the face, and yell ‘buy Cracker Smackers!’ –the campaign was not very successful. Then of course there was Blix, Zog’s grandfather who… cheering broke the halfling’s concentration. “Sorryz Mista Leathatung. The Amber Rock Amazons scored a touchdown,” Thragga said turning down the broadcast receiver. “Who,” Zog said sleepily finishing his ale. “Amber Rock Amazons, theyz a new Bloodwiser Football team. Theyz not very good, Bloodwiser just made the team to sell their beer. Just a bunch a skinny girls in tights runnin’ around. Now, seez when I played football we’z had good teams.” Zog’s brain was churning, “hey Thrag, you still sell messenger pigeons? “
The short seven-course lunch did little to appease Gaff Sucrodextrine. He was finishing off a chicken leg when Zog Leathertongue reentered the monger’s office. “I’ve got one more idea, sir” Zog said out of breath, “my suggestion is Hawaiian Punks fund a halfling football team!” A chicken leg flew across the room, “do you know how many hundreds of thousands of crowns it costs to start a football team,” shouted Gaff searching his desk for the hibiscus print spiked collar again. “I’ve already thought of that, sir,” Leathertongue rebounded holding up several carrier pigeon notes, “I have more than a dozen other companies around town whose advertising executives are pitching the very same idea. If all of these companies agree the cost would be marginal. Hawaiian Punks, of course, would be the team’s namesake; after all, it was your idea sir.” Gaff snatched the pigeon notes out of Zog’s hand and looked over them. “If you get these other companies to join, so will I,” he said finally. Zog ran into the nearest wire room and began writing a note. “Dear brothers and cousins,” it began, “as to the deal we discussed earlier…”

*It is not known by many non-halflings, but there are in fact three lunches in the halfling world. First Lunch is commonly referred to as ‘after breakfast,’ Lunch is a midday snack that leads to Second Lunch or ‘pre-dinner.’ While this might seem excessive, you are not a halfling.
New Team Page Beta
Player Ma St Ag Av Skills Inj G Cp Td It Cs Mvp SPP Cost  
1
Prickles® Thorny Cactus Chips
Halfling
5 2 3 6
Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty
   7 0 1 0 1 0 5/ 30k
(15)k
  
2
Count Funkula® (now with frosted bling!)
Halfling
5 2 3 6
Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty
   4 0 0 0 1 0 2/ 30k
(15)k
  
3
Goodbye Kitty© by Rotting Plush
Halfling
5 2 3 6
Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty
Sprint
   7 1 0 0 3 0 7/ 50k
(25)k
  
4
Durasmell The Cruddy Top Battery®
Halfling
5 2 3 6
Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty
Diving Tackle
   7 1 1 0 1 0 6/ 50k
(25)k
  
5
Energeyser© Washed Up Batteries
Halfling
5 2 3 6
Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty
   6 0 0 0 2 0 4/ 30k
(15)k
  
6
Coca-Cobra™ (now with 30% fewer fangs!) Jr
Halfling
5 2 3 6
Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty
   1 0 0 0 0 0 0/ 30k
(15)k
  
7
Kongsford® The Colossal Hairy Charcoal
Halfling
5 2 3 6
Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty
Sprint
   7 0 0 0 0 2 10/ 50k
(25)k
  
8
Pig Newtons® Pork Chop Cookies Jr.
Halfling
5 2 3 6
Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty
   1 0 0 0 0 0 0/ 30k
(15)k
  
9
McFurry™ the Barber Shop Floor Dessert
Halfling
5 2 3 6
Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty
   4 0 0 0 1 0 2/ 30k
(15)k
  
10
Blubberlicious© Humpback Berry blubber gum
Halfling
5 2 3 6
Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty
   6 0 1 0 0 0 3/ 30k
(15)k
  
11
Grany Hairs (Hairy Graham Crackers)
Halfling
5 2 3 6
Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty
   2 0 1 0 0 0 3/ 30k
(15)k
  
12
Yoo-Goo® Chocolate Sludge Drink
Halfling
5 2 3 6
Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty
Sure Feet
   6 0 2 0 1 1 13/ 50k
(25)k
  
13
Muller Low Life (Brewed on the Bowery)
Halfling
5 2 3 6
Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty
Diving Tackle
   2 0 0 0 2 2 14/ 50k
(25)k
  
14
Punchables® The Cracker Smacker
Halfling
5 2 3 6
Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty
   3 0 0 0 2 0 4/ 30k
(15)k
  
15
Sea Honkiys (the baby brine w.a.s.p. family)
Halfling
5 2 3 6
Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty
   2 0 0 0 0 0 0/ 30k
(15)k
  
15 players  
Coach: MrBadExample Re-Rolls (120k): 8  
Race: Halfling Fan Factor: 11  
Current Team Value: 0k Assistant Coaches: 4  
Treasury: 90k Cheerleaders: 2  
Team Value: 1250k Apothecary: Yes  

Games Played:7 (2/3/2) |TD Diff:0 (7 - 7) |Cas Diff:-5 (9/12/3 - 14/11/4)
Last Opponent: Born to Be Undead