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[X2] Chaos
| All hail Horridius Ceaser, Before I recant to you my feat of endurance against my first opponent, allow me to tell you about what has thus far been my toughest challenge to date… actually signing up to fight in the gladiatorial arena of 1v1! Gone, gone I say, are the glorious days where we Romans would simply be pressed ganged, bound, gagged, dragged and thrown into the arena to battle for our lives without so much as an Howdy Do! No, this has now been replaced with red tape, bureaucracy, and little hitlers (Germany 1939). First of all, the application form required eleven names… but I wanted to apply for single combat! So, assuming I was dealing with intelligent people in this Approvement department, I entered my name, I even restrained myself from putting in the obligatory “Yes” when it asked Sex on the form – I was doing this all proper like, and for the other names I wrote 1v1a, 1v1b… you get the idea. Confident that they would understand the nature of my intent I then queued, and waited… … … … an hour later I was at the booth, staring at some cretin with a name tag that read “Angie”. “Hello”, I said, as I handed her my form, she merely grimaced back. She took one look at the form and stamped it with a big Red Stamper that said “TEAM DISSALOWED! Your team (Dynasty of Caesar) has been disallowed. The most common reasons include inappropriate names and very weak team designs. If you feel your team was disallowed in error, please reply to this message and let me know why you believe this is the case. name all players decently please”. If you think their Stampers are large, you should see the size of their staplers!!! – I think they’re over compensating, but I digress. I questioned why, and she rebutted that the names on the other 10 players were not acceptable, they’re not real names! Which is crazy since I have a friend called 1v1L – yep, his mum called him 55, as she was tired of coming up with unique names after child 54. I tried to explain that I was actually the only guy entering the competition… but she didn’t care! Right! I left the queue and returned to the quill point… I was angry, very Angry. My next 10 players were called: ANGIE THISIS ATOTAL WASTEROF MYFRIGGIN TIMEBUT IHOPE THATYOU AREBLOODY HAPPY!!! Smug with my cleverness I rejoined the queue, and waited… … … … … and waited… … … … and waited… … … … … and waited… … … 6 BLOODY HOURS AND STILL I HADN’T HAD MY FORM LOOKED AT!!! I started to suspect that “Angie” had taken a sneaky peek at my form and told all the other Approvers not to look at mine! Feeling less smug with myself, I went back to the quill point and filled it in again. This time with names such as Bill and Ben…. Running out of flowerpot men I continued the theme and named others with beginning with “B”. Soon after I was approved… apparently names beginning with B that are no longer than four letters in length is acceptable – go figure! So… let this be a lesson to all of you who aspire to be approved for combat… … The Approvers are stupid – you’ve been warned!!! --------------------------------- Battle 1 --------------------------------- My debut battle was to be an Endurance contest, the first to two victories, against an opponent called, Andreigas Nastaya, that fought under the Nastaya Warrior stable. This rookie Elf was quick and nimble… you know, like Jack, and I was slow and strong… together we were Chalk and Cheese, any other team a great crime fighting duo, or fresh new band, but not today! The first contest was tight, and Andreigas’ speed put him in good stead to keep out of my rach, but on the occasion I got the ball, he found it difficult to pry it from my firm grip. It ended 1 – 1. Following the battle, I found that all the running around I’d done had limbered me up for the next contest… I felt quicker on my feet. I was excited for the next battle. Round 2. Doh! So excited was I that I had clean forgotten to purchase the services of an apothecary from last rounds’ purse… I just hoped I wouldn’t get injured else I’d find myself in real trouble! Luckily my fears were unfounded, I barely hit the dirt the whole game, and I trounced my opponent 3 – 1. Mwahahaha! One more victory for me to win the entire contest! I was eager to put this one in the bag! Round 3, SON OF A … I’d only gone and forgot to spend my money again, no Apothecary and no Lucky Rabbits foot ether, worse yet, a group of Chavs in the stand were eyeing up the wad of cash in my pocket! Never mind I thought, my opponent is a reasonable chap, he’ll allow me to pop to the shops and make the crucial purchases… … … But, OH NO! The git whined about it, started blubbering right there, muttering some crap about “And I had should guide your future” or something, and how he’d just took some illegal drugs o help him, drugs he had no right to have anyway, not least because they were illegal, if you’re following all of this! Anyway… I started to feel embarrassed… everyone was watching this… I steadily stepped away from him … … and we battled. The drugged up baby, with extra Rabbit’s feet, an Apoth, and illegal drugs beat me 3 – 0 in the end… go figure. Round 4, I went straight to the shop and bought my supplies! When I arrived back Andreigas had changed into some new nappies and had obviously suckled on his mum’s breasts as he seemed quite happy now. I kicked his skinny little white ass… and the only reason he scored was because his Mum through her Baby’s bottle at me during the game, knocking me clean out! Still the damage was done, and the score was 2 – 1. I WON!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Let this be a lesson to all Elven babies, I will destroy you!!! |
New Team Page Beta
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Chaos Warrior
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| Games Played: | 12 (7/2/3) | | | TD Diff: | 9 (25 - 16) | | | Cas Diff: | 1 (1/1/1 - 2/0/0) |
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| Last Opponent: Not a Team | |||||||