Kant's main tactic lies in arguing that material idealism is actually with incompatible with players making judgments about their experiences. In other words he tries to grind down the opposition by attemtpting to cofuse them into thinking that any casualty against the Sapiens Cruento means diddly-squat to their self-understanding.

Although the rest of the team consider him to be a real pissant, he is none the less their captain, and thus he is respected though not liked.

David Hume's main contribution to the team lie not in any special abilites on the pitch, but rather his ability to get the team quickly out on the pitch before the games start. He has a craving for haggis before he take the field, and thus the rest of the team scurry out of the locker room as he prepares his foul meals. "Jist as me mum made 'em!", he insists.

Additionally his tendencies to out consume Hegel have the head coach worried that Hegel will one day be passed out in the dugout instead of on the pitch.

Nietzche's main goal on the field lies in attempting to convince his team mates and his opponents of the simple fact: "There is no Nuffle!"

He simply argues that the only beings that should be admired by man are the Übermensh. Although desparately wanting to become one himself, he probably won't succeed due to a chronic lung disease and a severe addiction to morphine. However he has had some success in teaching the team how to raise their wrists.

Asides from being permanently pissed Socrates also has a tendency to run about the field looking for a cup of hemlock to drink. His drunk and suicidal behaivour is loved by the younger male fans, but despised by their parents who are all planning to help him find a cup of poison.

His main acheivements lie in rediculing the opposition with taunts and jeers about their own inflated selfesteem, however due to his drunk slurring he's usually not entirely successful in these escapades.